SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
Pennsylvania Women <br /><br />One man was from Texas, one from Florida and one from Pennsylvania. <br />They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. <br />The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife clearly that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing, but on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, and a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert." <br />Then the man from Florida spoke up "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do all the grocery shopping and all of the house cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But the third day, when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with groceries." The fellow from PA was married to a woman who had grown up in PA all her life. He sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said. "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and house cleaning. Well, the first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But by the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye." <br /><br />Gotta Love those Pennsylvania Women!<br />__________________________________________________<br />Children<br /><br />1. A little boy was in a relative's Wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws androar. So it went-step, step, ROAR; step, step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle.<br />As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."<br /><br />2. One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle.<br />Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle. On his way out just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me!<br />Pray for me!"<br /><br />3. One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."<br /><br />4. A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.<br />I'm having a real good time like I am."<br /><br />5. A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on their way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."<br /><br />6. The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"<br /><br />7. Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?<br />They're hushers."<br /><br />8. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old." He replied.<br /><br />9. A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"<br /><br />10. I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."<br /><br />11. A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."<br /><br />12. A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
