LadyFish
Admiral
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2003
- Messages
- 6,894
POSITION :<br /> Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma<br /> <br /> Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa<br /><br /> <br /> JOB DESCRIPTION :<br /> Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often <br />chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and <br />organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include <br />evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel <br />required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and <br />endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. <br />Extensive courier duties also required.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> RESPONSIBILITIES :<br /> The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, <br />until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must <br />possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 <br />mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are <br />not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical <br />challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck <br />zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production <br />of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social <br />gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be <br />indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and <br />product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery <br />operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. <br />Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. <br />Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout <br />the facility. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION :<br /> None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without <br />complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in <br />your charge can ultimately surpass you<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :<br /> None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually <br />exhausting basis. <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> WAGES AND COMPENSATION :<br /> Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon <br />payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will <br />help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever <br />is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually <br />enjoy it and wish you could only do more.<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> BENEFITS :<br /> While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no <br />paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless <br />opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards <br />right.<br /> <br /> 
