SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
AARP Concert<br /><br />There are recent rumors that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP.<br />Ms.Andrews sang a favorite from the Sound of Music, Favorite Things.<br />There were a few changes to the words, to fit in with the AARP theme.<br />Here are the new words to this tune:<br /><br />Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,<br />Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,<br />Bundles of magazines tied up in string,<br />These are a few of my favorite things.<br /><br />Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,<br />Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,<br />Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,<br />These are a few of my favorite things.<br /><br />When the pipes leak,<br />When the bones creak,<br />When the knees go bad,<br />I simply remember my favorite things,<br />And then I don't feel so bad.<br /><br />Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,<br />No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,<br />Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,<br />These are a few of my favorite things.<br /><br />Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin,<br />Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinin,<br />And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,<br />When we remember our favorite things.<br /><br />When the joints ache, when the hips break,<br />When the eyes grow dim,<br />Then I remember the great life I've had,<br />And then I don't feel so bad.<br /><br />I hope your life is great and you are doing wonderful things.<br />__________________________________________________<br />Some old one's but still good one's 
<br />Southern Comforts <br /> <br />A North Carolina redneck passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow. She can't touch it until she's 14. <br /> <br />Folks in Georgia now go to some movies in groups of 18 or more. They were told 17 and under are not admitted. <br /> <br />They have just raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32! <br />It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools. <br /> <br />It's true! In Mississippi reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries. <br /> <br />How can you tell if a West Virginia redneck is married?<br />There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck. <br /> <br />Tennessee has a new $3,000,000 State Lottery. <br />Yeah, the winner gets $3 a year for a million years. <br /> <br />Recently, the Governor's Mansion in Little Rock burned down.<br />In fact, it pert'near took out the whole trailer park. <br /> <br />A law recently changed in South Carolina and now states: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister. <br /> <br />The best thing to ever come out of Arkansas is I-40. <br /><br /> An Alabama State Trooper stopped a pickup truck. He asked the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver said, "Bout what?"
<br />Southern Comforts <br /> <br />A North Carolina redneck passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow. She can't touch it until she's 14. <br /> <br />Folks in Georgia now go to some movies in groups of 18 or more. They were told 17 and under are not admitted. <br /> <br />They have just raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32! <br />It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools. <br /> <br />It's true! In Mississippi reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries. <br /> <br />How can you tell if a West Virginia redneck is married?<br />There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck. <br /> <br />Tennessee has a new $3,000,000 State Lottery. <br />Yeah, the winner gets $3 a year for a million years. <br /> <br />Recently, the Governor's Mansion in Little Rock burned down.<br />In fact, it pert'near took out the whole trailer park. <br /> <br />A law recently changed in South Carolina and now states: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister. <br /> <br />The best thing to ever come out of Arkansas is I-40. <br /><br /> An Alabama State Trooper stopped a pickup truck. He asked the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver said, "Bout what?"