SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and, after<br />eating,<br />the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly<br />gentlemen were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a new<br />restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."<br /><br />The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"<br /><br />The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says<br />to<br />his companion:<br /><br />"Aahh, what is the name of that red flower you give to<br />someone you love?"<br /><br />His friend replies: "A carnation?"<br /><br />"No, no. The other one," the man says.<br /><br />His friend offers another suggestion: "The poppy?"<br /><br />"Nahhhh," growls the man. "You know - the one that is red and has<br />thorns."<br /><br />His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?"<br /><br />"Yes! Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns<br />toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name<br />of that restaurant we went to last night?"<br />__________________________________________________<br />IN THE CANDY STORE<br /><br />An overweight woman stepped into a candy store and proceeded to<br />walk back and forth eyeing the grand array of chocolates, bonbons<br />and fudge. After what seemed like a long period of indecision, the<br />clerk asked, "May I help you?" "No, thank you," the woman<br />answered. "Just drooling."<br /><br />AND HE DID IT<br /><br />A cowboy was walking down the street with his new pet dachshund.<br />A passerby asked him why a cowboy would own that kind of dog.<br />The cowboy answered, "Well, somebody told me to get a long little<br />doggie." <Insert groan here.><br /><br />FIRST THINGS FIRST<br /><br />Did you ever wonder how it is that we put man on the moon before<br />we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?<br /><br />ON TARGET<br /><br />A salesman is driving down a country road when he sees a young kid<br />in front of a barn. On the barn are 5 targets with arrows in the bulls<br />eye of each target. Screeching to a stop he runs out to the kid<br />amazed that this kid could shoot so well. "Son," he says, "how did<br />you hit all those bulls eyes?" "Well sir," the boy replied, "I take the<br />arrow and lick my fingers like this, then I take my fingers and<br />straiten the feathers like this, take aim with my hand against my<br />cheek, let go and where ever the arrow hits I draw a bulls eye."<br /><br />GOING LIMP<br /><br />While making rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of<br />medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps<br />because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what<br />would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I<br />suppose I'd limp, too."<br /><br />CLEANING UP<br /><br />A recent trip from Pennsylvania to California took us one month to<br />complete. Upon our arrival our California friends inquired as to why<br />it had taken us so long, to which I responded, "I'm sorry it took so<br />long, but it seems that at almost every other gas station we stopped at<br />my wife saw a sign that read 'clean rest rooms.' So she did!"<br />__________________________________________________<br />Little David, who was Jewish, was failing math. His parents tried everything.<br /><br />Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, and <br />nothing helped.<br />As a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic school.<br />"Those nuns<br />are tough" they said. David was soon enrolled at St. Mary's.<br /><br />After school on the very first day David ran through the door and<br />straight<br />to his room, without even kissing his mother hello. He started<br />studying<br />furiously, books and papers spread out all over his room. Right<br />after<br />dinner he ran upstairs without mentioning TV, and hit the books<br />harder than<br />before. His parents were amazed.<br /><br />This behavior continued for weeks, until report card day arrived.<br />David<br />quietly laid the envelope on the table, and went to his room. <br />With great<br />trepidation, his mother opened the report. David had gotten an A <br />in math!<br /><br />She ran up to his room, threw her arms around him and asked <br />"David honey, how did this happen? Was it the nuns?<br /><br />"No!", said David. "On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed<br />to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around!"
