SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Success in Life"<br /><br />When you're 4... success is...<br />Not peeing in your pants.<br />When you're 12... success is...<br />Having friends.<br />When you're 16... success is...<br />Having a driver's license.<br />When you're 20... success is...<br />Having sex.<br />When you're 35... success is...<br />Having money.<br />When you're 50... success is...<br />Having money.<br />When you're 60... success is...<br />Having sex.<br />When you're 70... success is...<br />Having a driver's license.<br />When you're 75... success is...<br />Having friends.<br />When you're 80... success is...<br />Not peeing in your pants.<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Nuts!"<br /><br />An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its<br />inmates to attend a baseball game. The director<br />spent days training the patients to obey his<br />commands so there wouldn't be any trouble.<br /><br />The day of the game was bright and sunny, and<br />the group arrived just before the first pitch. When<br />it was time for the national anthem, the director<br />yelled, "Up, nuts!" and the inmates immediately<br />rose.<br /><br />When the national anthem was over, the director<br />yelled, "Down, nuts!" and the inmates sat.<br /><br />The game proceeded, and the inmates were well<br />behaved. When the home team made a good play,<br />the director yelled, "Clap, nuts!" and the patients<br />applauded just like normal fans.<br /><br />Things were going so well that the director left his<br />seat to go get a hot dog and a beer. But when he<br />came back, there was a riot going on.<br /><br />The director finally located his assistant and<br />demanded, "What happened?"<br /><br />"Everything was fine," the assistant said, "until<br />some guy by and yelled, "Peanuts!"<br /><br />Yea, I know. That was bad, but it was good. 
