CrappieFisherman
Seaman
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2004
- Messages
- 58
Q: Who is that masked man in our front yard?<br />A: It's the Lawn Ranger.<br /><br />Q: What did the traffic-light say?<br />A: Don't look now, I'm changing.<br /><br />"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." - Rodney<br />Dangerfield<br /><br />My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but<br />he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the<br />spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport,<br />she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage,<br />this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."<br /><br />This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing<br />for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds<br />for the suit.<br />"I've got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband. "Can you<br />believe my wife told me I'm a lousy lover?" "That's why you're suing?"<br />pursued his lawyer. "Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the<br />difference."<br /><br />Q: What's worse than silicone teats?<br />A: A cardboard box.<br /><br />Treat the Earth well. it was not given to you by<br />your parents. It was loaned to you by your children.<br />---Kenyan proverb<br /><br />A guy starts talking to two women in a bar. They turn out<br />to be Siamese twins and they wind up back at his apartment.<br />He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other.<br />He thinks the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what<br />she'd like to do. She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love<br />to play your trombone." So she plays it while he makes love to her<br />sister. A few weeks later, the girls are walking past his apartment<br />building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy." The<br />other girl says, "Gee... do you think he'll remember us?"<br /><br />Future King of Ohio, JMC<br /><br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />Private Chips<br />~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br /><br />Two good old boys, Bubba and Junior have been promoted from Privates to<br />Sergeants. Not long after,they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey,<br />Junior, there's the NCO Club. Let's you<br /><br />and me stop in and have a drank."<br /><br />"But we's privates," protests Junior.<br /><br />"We's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside. "Now, Junior, I'm<br />gonna sit down and have me a drank."<br /><br />"But, we's privates," says Junior.<br /><br />"You blind, boy?" asks Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants<br />now."<br /><br />So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.<br /><br />"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you some place and make<br />you feel good but I've got a bad case of<br /><br />gnorrhea."<br /><br />Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the<br />dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay<br />sign."<br /><br />Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay<br />sign.<br /><br />Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case<br />of gonorrhea.<br /><br />"Junior," he says, "What you give me the okay for?"<br /><br />"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the<br />privates." Then he pointed to his stripes and<br /><br />says,<br />"But we's Sergeants now!"...