Bummer

[Mark42]

Re: Bummer

I asked because you marriatial status could be playing a role in your Mom's behaviour. If you are married (and you say your are), then maybe Mom feel's its inappropriate for your brothers wife to be visiting you and your family. If you were not married, I thought she might be worried about you and your sister-in-law starting a relationship that might make her uncomfortable.

Just my thoughts, not insinuating anything.

I think what you are doing is of the highest merrit.

Why does she want to go back? What is her economic status (ie employment, housing, etc)

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

She has no family here Mark, but us is one reason and I guess a little homesick another.
I have never really ask her cause I kinda figure none of my business really.
I know last year and about a month ago she mentioned that her dad was not doing well. That may have played a lot in her decision.
She is employed with the same company my brother was.
Sandler O'Neill & Partners, but I think they understand also.
Anyhow, I am going to try to make it as nice for her as possible this time.

 

[57whitehouse]

Re: Bummer

Hey SBN. I also think it's the right thing to do(as long as your wife agrees). I also think it may be a defence mechanism for your mom. How did she act the previous years you brought her down?

Good luck, maybe your mom will come around, maybe not. Do what's right.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

Hey SBN. I also think it's the right thing to do(as long as your wife agrees). I also think it may be a defence mechanism for your mom. How did she act the previous years you brought her down?

Good luck, maybe your mom will come around, maybe not. Do what's right.

My mom treated her like her own.
Bought her all kinds of nice things.
That's what makes it so odd that she would do a complete turn around like this.
Maybe it's age, don't know, but something went haywire for sure.

 

[Mark42]

Re: Bummer

Could just be that seeing your SIL will remind your Mom that her son is gone. Must be hard on your Mom, losing a son, especially around the holidays.

 

[OldMercsRule]

Re: Bummer

My mom treated her like her own.
Bought her all kinds of nice things.
That's what makes it so odd that she would do a complete turn around like this.
Maybe it's age, don't know, but something went haywire for sure.

Hey SBN, (I always thought you were older then me), but if yer mom is only 74 that is very unlikely. I had a Filipina, (US citizen born n' raised in Seattle) girlfriend fer a few years, that I "thought" the family totally accepted, (I'm an ol' white feller n' me first wife [the Mother of me three kids is white too, n' all me other relationships have been white ladies]).

My Mom pulled some "wierd" stuff with me due to me former Sweetie,( n' now I know it was very likely due ta Mom's old fashoned "sensabilities"). My Mom is 88 and never showed any racial issues when I was growin' up in Seattle, (a very Liberal town), so it surprized me when I fould out how she "really" felt.

Hope that is not yer situation, but it could be, (that is why I raised it). I would bring yer SIL to yer home and let yer kids n' the rest of the family show her REAL love. 'Course ya likely know I do have a "tude", (so keep that in mind as I don't take kindly ta people tellin' me what ta do), makes it kinda likely that I will ignore their wishes unless they are reasonable, (n' it does not sound like yer Mom is bein' very reasonable here). My overpriced $.02. Good Luck! JR

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

OMR, I am a spring chicken at 54.
Like I said, don't know the problem, maybe never will.

 

[rogerwa]

Re: Bummer

There is nothing more christian, during Christamas nonetheless, than to invite those into your home for the holidays who are alone and in need.

Mom needs to be reminded of that.

 

[OldMercsRule]

Re: Bummer

OMR, I am a spring chicken at 54.
Like I said, don't know the problem, maybe never will.

By golly you are a spring chicken. I've been here, (on the ol' planet), one year longer then you have so I'm a sprung chicken. I bet my hunch is what it is with yer Mom. Good luck. JR

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

Well, just got back from putting Phesha on the plane back to NY.
She has a flight to catch on Thursday back home.
It went well and all the kids and grandkids got to see her so that was good.
She chilled here at the house while we took care of business at mom's.
Mom never once ask about her and I didn't offer up any info. Figured why get mom upset at this time of year.
I cooked a ham and had some sides to go with it here at the house and opened some gifts etc.
We all knew it would be the last time we would see Phesha, but we also understood.
Ok, back to normal life now.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Bummer

Good for you, Spinner! I am sure Phesha will appreciate your act of kindness the rest of her life. You done good, old fella!

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Bummer

Sounds as if things went well. I'm glad it worked out for you.
As for possibly never seeing Phesha again, you never know what the future holds. But you can always look back proudly, knowing you did the right thing when you had the opportunity.

 

[RWilson2526]

Re: Bummer

I see a vacation to the Philippines in your future...

 

[OldMercsRule]

Re: Bummer

I see a vacation to the Philippines in your future...

Yep, N' jus' think how much warmer it is there! (While we have ta deal with the white stuff!) Glad it werked out SBN! JR

 

[oops!]

Re: Bummer

sorry to hear this...

may i suggest you talk to the guy that sent the "gift"

oops

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

sorry to hear this...

may i suggest you talk to the guy that sent the "gift"

oops

Huh?

 

[SgtMaj]

Re: Bummer

I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't know about your brother, so my condolences there.

If it were me, and I'm NOT suggesting you do this, but I would look at your mom and say, "Phesha is comming again next year, and every year thereafter, but you don't have to."

Does Phesha have family back in the phils? My wife is from Cavite (also just outside Manila) and her family is still there. We were married in Makati City (in Manila) back in '03.

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Bummer

Yea SgtMaj, her family is all there.
Her dad is pretty sick and is not doing very well at all.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts on this, a real bad feeling at one point but has got better as the day wore on.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: Bummer

Sorry to hear about your family issues. Families can be such a pain the the rear sometimes.

My wife is from Thailand, and I know if I died and there were no kids, she would move back to Thailand. Now that there are kids, she worries all the time about this situation.

My wife and mother get along great, but my mother can be a real pain in the rear and my wife gets sensitive to her BS. I tell my wife to tell her to shutup, but she wont do it.

Oh well, good luck with your issues.

Ken

 

[Nandy]

Re: Bummer

Time generally cures everything. I gather that your mom is behaving that way due to her lost of your bro. My bro also married a lady outside of our ethnicity. My mom never had a problem with it other that my in law don't speak our language and my mom English is not too good. My mom tried to better her English just to be able to talk to her and my niece but that did not work too well. Still, my in law learned most of the endearment phrases in Spanish and I thought it was cute to hear my in law in the speaker phone telling mom "te quiero" and my mom answering back "I love you too".