If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this: <br /><br /><br />COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT. <br /><br />ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? <br /><br />COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. <br /><br />ABBOTT: Mac? <br /><br />COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. <br /><br />ABBOTT: Your computer? <br /><br />COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. <br /><br />ABBOTT: Mac? <br /><br />COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. <br /><br />ABBOTT: What about Windows? <br /><br />COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? <br /><br />COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Wallpaper. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. <br /><br />ABBOTT: Software for Windows? <br /><br />COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Office. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? <br /><br />ABBOTT: I just did. <br /><br />COSTELLO: You just did what? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Recommend something. <br /><br />COSTELLO: You recommended something? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Yes. <br /><br />COSTELLO: For my office? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Yes. <br /><br />COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Office. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! <br /><br />ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. <br /><br />COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Word. <br /><br />COSTELLO: What word? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Word in Office. <br /><br />COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. <br /><br />ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? <br /><br />ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W." <br /><br />COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! <br /><br />ABBOTT: Real One. <br /><br />COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Of course. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Great! With what? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Real One. <br /><br />COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? <br /><br />ABBOTT: You click the blue "1." <br /><br />COSTELLO: I click the blue one what? <br /><br />ABBOTT: The blue "1." <br /><br />COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w? <br /><br />ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is word. <br /><br />COSTELLO: What word? <br /><br />ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. <br /><br />COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows!" <br /><br />ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. <br /><br />COSTELLO: It is? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. <br /><br />COSTELLO: And that word is real one? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real one isn't even part of Office. <br /><br />COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Money. <br /><br />COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Money. <br /><br />COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? <br /><br />ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. <br /><br />COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Money. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. <br /><br />COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? <br /><br />ABBOTT: One copy. <br /><br />COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. <br />COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! <br /><br />(A few days later) <br /><br />ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? <br /><br />COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? <br /><br />ABBOTT: Click on "START"... 
