heycods
Captain
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2005
- Messages
- 3,941
Laughs from Employee Performance Evaluations<br />============================================<br /><br />For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have been worse. <br /><br />These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.<br /><br /> <br /><br />1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."<br /><br /> <br /><br />2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."<br /><br /> <br /><br />3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."<br /><br /> <br /><br />4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."<br /><br /> <br /><br />5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."<br /><br /> <br /><br />6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."<br /><br /> <br /><br />7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."<br /><br /> <br /><br />8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."<br /><br /> <br /><br />9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."<br /><br /> <br /><br />10. "Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."<br /><br /> <br /><br />11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."<br /><br /> <br /><br />12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."<br /><br /> <br /><br />14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." <br /><br /> <br /><br />15. "He's been working with glue too much."<br /><br /> <br /><br />16. "He would argue with a signpost."<br /><br /> <br /><br />17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."<br /><br /> <br /><br />18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."<br /><br /> <br /><br />19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."<br /><br /> <br /><br />20. "A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on."<br /><br /> <br /><br />21. "A prime candidate for natural deselection."<br /><br /> <br /><br />22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."<br /><br /> <br /><br />23. "The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."<br /><br /> <br /><br />24. "He's got two brains cells. One is lost, and the other is out looking for it."<br /><br /> <br /><br />25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."<br /><br /> <br /><br />26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."<br /><br /> <br /><br />27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."<br /><br /> <br /><br />28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."<br /><br /> <br /><br />29. "One neuron short of a synapse."<br /><br /> <br /><br />30. "Some drink from the Fountain of Knowledge. He only gargled."<br /><br /> <br /><br />31. "Takes him two hours to watch "60 Minutes."<br /><br /> <br /><br />32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
