I need Nanny 911

[BoatBuoy]

Re: I need Nanny 911

For those of you who say the rod doesn't work, I suspect you didn't have a proper rod instructor, like my father.

 

[Nos4r2]

Re: I need Nanny 911

To start with, I won't bandy acronyms around like ADD or the like.<br /><br />My ex-girlfriend had exactly the same problem with her 5 year old boy, it even got to the point where he had a tantrum and ran out in front of a bus and nearly got himself and a whole load of others hurt.<br /><br /> After that she took him to see a child psychologist.<br /><br />The psychologist said it was basically attention seeking behaviour-the type of attention was unimportant as long as there WAS attention. I suspect you've already tried this, but the upshot was that when the child did this, the best thing to do was to ignore it completely and carry on treating the child as normal during the screaming fit- not modifying your behaviour at all.<br />The idea of this is to send a signal to the child that this kind of behaviour makes no difference at all to the amount of attention he got.<br /><br />This was reinforced by the addition of a behaviour chart with stickers, gold stars etc <br /><br />It worked like a dream. His behaviour changed overnight. He's now a pleasant well behaved child.<br /><br />I hope this helps and good luck-if you're dirven to distraction anywhere near as badly as we were then you deserve a break!

 

[deputydawg]

Re: I need Nanny 911

Pretty sure it is attention seeking. We have tried the switch that has been suggested here. Actually not a switch, but a hand across a bare bottom. I won't hit my dogs I train with any object I sure won't do it to my children. BUT when I do the spankin I spare nothing on that little rear. She will stand right up and dare me to do it again. It becomes a power struggle, can I hit more than she can handle. We have tried the ignoring her thing. That becomes a contest to see if she can go longer than us. <br />She acts worse when my oldest comes home from pre-school so I think it is attention. <br />I myself have been diagnosed ADHD, and my wife has been in college just graduating so has been studying ADHD and other behavior problems. She doesn't fit this category either. ALmost fits ODD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder. One child she worked with would act this way. An example, one day this Other child she worked with refused to eat corn at lunch. Finally they made her do it with threats of losing recess. That was at noon, by 3:30 when school was out they discovered the child was holding that corn in her mouth just to defy their instruction to eat it. <br />My daughter does have sensory issues. The more stimulation thrown at her, she can't process it. If we get into a busy store crammed with people, we need to watch her close. She is growing out if this and learning to cope with it. <br />The weekly sticker chart with rewards has worked well. If she starts getting upset we remind her she won't get a sticker if she has a tantrum. She stops right away. She gets a dollar when she has a week full of stickers. Today she got to buy her own toy pony with her money, so now she sees the reward. This only works when we do a twice a day sticker, she is too young to think ahead and back to the beginning or end of the day. <br />This week she has only thrown about 3 good tantrums so it is getting better. <br />Thanks for all of the ideas everyone.<br />They say the terrible twos, it should be the terrible 1 1/2 through 4's.<br />I am confident she will grow out of it. On problem is she is always with me, never in day care and our play group has stopped getting together so she has no social interaction other than me her baby brother and her older sister. Mom is pretty busy these days so her and I have traded traditional roles in the home.

 

[steve n carol]

Re: I need Nanny 911

You don't have any 'stitch' toys laying around, do you?...WoW<br /><br />Sounds like attentition seeking to me. Could the fact that 'mommy' is at work and not home to nuture, have anything to do w/this?...sl<br /><br />Just for your information, there is a period in adolescence when behavior is a bit difficult to deal with...but that is usally in another 10-12 years!!sl

 

[rogerwa]

Re: I need Nanny 911

One thing that we do that helps a lot is to give the child a choice. You frame the choices. One is the behavior you want the other is a not so attractive alternative. And then you give them a countdown to decide or you make the choice for them.<br /><br />Something like: You can stop poking your brother or go to your room. Its your choice. I am going to cout to three. If you don't decideI will decide for you. {start counting rapidly 1.. 2.. 3..} If they don't decide then they go to their room. I ususally rapidly pick them up and physically move them. Not necessarily gently either. Don't ever count and not deliver on your ultimatum. Then they will just ignore you. Don't drag out the count either.<br /><br />If you give them a choice, it is not a power struggle. With my kids I rarly get to 2 before they alter their behavior.<br /><br />Also, with the tantrums, I let them have them. I just totally ignore them. Step around them. If in a store, I will just keep walking and tell them see you later. They usually get up and come running.

 

[LubeDude]

Re: I need Nanny 911

Well, Im not a child phsycologist, but do know that you can "NEVER" give in, and if they dont like the sandwich you give them, then they dont get "ANYTHING" for lunch and nothing untill dinner, nothing. That will nip it in the bud from the start. The older they get, then they get to make "some" choices, and then gradually more and more. They need to know that it is you that makes the rules.<br /><br />I would probably be arrested for child abuse if I had to raise a child now. No personal phone, (unless they pay for it), no TV in there room, (Only if they were not connected to cable). No personal computer in there room, (It would have to be in a common area), No lock on there door to there bedroom, (They would know that there was no such thing as there privacy). I guess I would be an unfit father in this day and age.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: I need Nanny 911

Deputy, have you tried getting her to use words rather than expressing herself thru tantrums?<br /><br />Sometimes when little ones scream and throw things, hit their siblings and even their parents its because they can't find the words to express their anger and dismay. <br /><br />Maybe if you pull her to the side and asked her the next time what is bothering her or why she is mad, she'll understand that you care about what she is feeling at the moment. Its hard for kiddos when they don't have much of a vocabulary yet and the only way they can draw attention to their anger is through tantrums. <br /><br />Maybe if you take the time and try and work through it with her, you can help her find the right words to express what she is feeling at the moment. The next time she throws a fit or acts out, make her tell you in words. Reward her for expressing herself and communicating her feelings to you the way she should. Again, you will have to help her at first to find words that you both understand.<br /><br />IMHO she IS looking for attention, she wants to be heard and understood. If she feels she never is, then she will continue this behavior and accept any attention if though its negative which could set up a pattern that can last a lifetime.<br /><br />Its a long shot, but it appears you've tried the punishment route and the cycle of bad behavior just continues.<br /><br />I think every child depending on their personality needs to be dealt with in a manner that they understand. While I believe in the occassional spank to let them know who's boss, and time out, it may not work on her. It could be that your little one just needs a little one on one understanding and communication.<br /><br />Good luck!