I thought we were immune

[Skinnywater]

Re: I thought we were immune

I think you should tough it out longer. <br />Life is ups and downs. To many bail as soon as it gets down, not realising better times come.<br />Friday will be our 29th anniversary. She was 17 and I was 19 when we married. Things were dang tough and touch and go for many years.<br />However we toughed it out, through the good and bad (we're both stubborn). Today we could make newlyweds blush. <br />I'd do it all over again in a second.

 

[ebbtide176]

Re: I thought we were immune

i was thinking along the same line as ralph & skinny. it seems just a short time ago - didn't you put up pics of your toddler son? i wish the best for you, don't doubt that.<br /><br />but i hope we're all gonna find out in a few mos, that it was all a bad experience of post-birth depression. i really hope you string this thing along until you know -that you know- for sure - that its over. believe me, most new parents go thru a really tough time with their first toddler. is it your first with this woman? go to church, talk to a preacher, see a counselor, set aside time devoted to going over what is wrong with the relationship. if it doesn't work out, then i hope you both get lots of time with your toddler anyway.<br /><br />i feel that it takes many yrs to really work out a union with a spouse, and its very easy to give up. but there are special circumstances. <br /><br />i have prayed for your family situation. best regards

 

[NOSLEEP]

Re: I thought we were immune

Ebb,skinny,ralph are right magster.<br />You need to put your best effort into making<br />your new family work. You owe it to your son.<br />Having a family and making it work is one of the<br />hardest things to do.It requires constant care<br />and even personal sacrifice.I will assume you<br />are resently married maybe only four or five <br />years. You are probably at that critical stage<br />were most couples are ready to give up. If you<br />stick with it. it will pass.

 

[bubbakat]

Re: I thought we were immune

Sorry to hear about the split but sometimes you can be married to a good woman and still not live with her. as for staying with her for the little ones sometimes it is harder on them when a marriage is kept together just for them because the can sense the friction between mom and dad<br /> It has to be awful to live in a house with a stranger I can't give any good advice on this because never had to experience it. But you do have my sincerest thoughts for you both on this subject

 

[Carphunter]

Re: I thought we were immune

Sorry to hear Magster.<br />If you both agree, then its probably for the best.<br />Still sucks though. Sorry.

 

[JGREGORY]

Re: I thought we were immune

Magster, everybody else put their thoughts so eloquoently that I really can't say anything else. I know you are proud of the little one is this something that counciling can take care of or is it a definnite split. Marriage is hard work and I sometimes think we take the easy way out through divorce. (Not that that is easy also).

 

[OBJ]

Re: I thought we were immune

Mag...Ditto on nosleep's post.<br /><br />Herself and I have been together for 31 years. We were close to splitting in the early years but chose to hang in there and work it out. I'm thankful we did.<br /><br />We don't know your situation and the reasons for the decisions you two have made. But sit and talk it over. I mean really talk. May make a big difference.<br /><br />It did in my case. <br /><br />Best of luck to you both.

 

[catfish1]

Re: I thought we were immune

sorry to hear about it magster, if i had anything to say about it, it would be close to what outboard jim just said. i hope you can work it out!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: I thought we were immune

Magster, hang in there. Postpartum depression can last up to a year. I hope you haven't made any final decisions yet. Everyone's advice here about seeking a counseler is right on. Marriages are work. This might be just a bump in the road. But you will never know if you split without any attempt to resolve these issues between you. That beautiful baby boy needs both his parents--and he is worth the effort.<br /><br />Stay strong and know you have a large support group here.<br /><br />(88spl--That sign hangs in our garage)

 

[LadyFish]

Re: I thought we were immune

Trial Lawyer's Ad<br />

<br /><br />And you should see her boat.

 

[rogerwa]

Re: I thought we were immune

Having kids brings out stresses that were not there before. It doesn't mean that the marriage can't work. It just means that adjustments, on both sides, need to be made. I say this from first hand experience, I have four kids ten and under.<br /><br />Some days you just feel trapped. Other days you feel mighty lucky. Sometimes my wife and I only communicate tasks to each other and frankly have not been out alone for several months. Other times we fight like cats and dogs. The kids add an interesting element because you just can't go off and take time away because somebody has to care for them. However, we also realize that we are building a legacy and a life that will repay the short term pains many times over.<br /><br />My wife and I also went into marriage agreeing that the 'D' word didn't exist. This forces us to work out the kinks..

 

[magster65]

Re: I thought we were immune

Thank you everyone for your kind words, support and advice. We've been 'working' at our relationship for over a year, she got pregnant during. I know, I know... After all the fighting we are in agreement about the steps we are taking now. We'll be living apart (but nearby) for a few months or so and neither of us have closed the door on reconsiliation. We think it's more important to be happy, even if that means we're not together, than miserable and sticking to a relationship that has two people that fight constantly. I know things will work out in the end. Thanks again.

 

[SeaMasterZ@aol.com]

Re: I thought we were immune

that postpartum depression thing can last up to two years ... <br /><br />hang in there, when you feel overwhelmed rather than lashing out (and yes, I know its likely more a retaliatory thing rather than YOU lashing out) go work on the boat or something<br /><br />if possible, take a weekend together, I dont know how old yer little guy is, but if its possible for him to be babysat for the weekend, maybe a weekend together could bring back old memories etc etc<br /><br />love is hard to find, and sometimes hard to hold<br /><br />but its worth it<br /><br />good luck buddy

 

[Scoop]

Re: I thought we were immune

Magster, I can say every marriage goes through tough times as many have said here. My wife and I each ended up looking for apartments one night. Neither of us knew the other was doing it. Counseling helped us start communicating again after about a year and a half. I was reluctant to go, but the relationship and it's problems were a two way street. While I understand sometimes divorce in inevitable and even a good thing, most of the time, that is not the case. I really hate to see a family broken up if it can be helped and if counseling has not helped, then maybe it is for the best. If you have not tried anything, I would encourage you to try other options. If you do need someone to talk to that has been through some tough times, feel free to send me an email and I will give you my phone number. <br />maxwell@network2010.net

 

[clanton]

Re: I thought we were immune

I say, hang tough, and dont every give up. 47 years and paying lawers for second time, same woman.<br /> After the first time, and the lawers paid, about 30 days later one of the lawers brought boat in for service, where I was service mgt. Did I say every dog has his day.<br /> You wanta talk boats, clanton@earthlink.net, 239 842 0294.

 

[denniz]

Re: I thought we were immune

I like that story Clanton, did you sugar his gas tank????

 

[11 footer]

Re: I thought we were immune

LOL clanton <br /><br />What did you do? I've got to hear this one.

 

[BassMan283]

Re: I thought we were immune

Been there twice. Won't be again. <br /><br />I know the folks recommending counseling mean well, but couseling primarily makes money for the counselor. If the woman has decided she wants to go, she's going to go. She didn't just think this up yesterday.<br /><br />My opinion from my experience is to say, "I love you dearly, this is destroying me, but go your way and let me know if I can help." Your only hope is to maintain a civil relationship, especially if a child is involved. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why because you'll never really know.

 

[magster65]

Re: I thought we were immune

Hey folks. I'm alive still but a little burnt out from this. What a painful experience... the relationship was doomed but I still feel like crapola. The most important thing is that I have equal custody of my little man. The stress around my place has been overwhelming so I haven't been on line. I'll be another week or so. I'm glad this place is still here...<br /><br />Glad to hear the iboats get together was a groovy event. Good job.<br /><br />Ciao for now.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: I thought we were immune

magster, good to see you posting again. Glad the custody issue is over and hopefully as times passes things will get better for you.