eeboater
Commander
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2004
- Messages
- 2,644
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.<br /><br />"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"<br /><br />"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"<br /><br />"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"<br /><br />Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."<br /><br />"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."<br /><br />Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"<br /><br />"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.<br /><br />"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."<br /><br />Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."<br /><br />"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."<br /><br />Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"<br /><br />Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"<br /><br />"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."<br /><br />Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."<br /><br />"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"<br /><br />"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no (edit) way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."<br /><br /> 
