Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

[NSBCraig]

So sunday I get a text from a friend- his girlfriend has bought a boat from a friend and he wants me to go out on it with him to give him some pointers since he's a novice. He also says they want to take it to the keys in a couple months so he'd like me to give a good look over for him.

Riding to the boat he mentions the trailer lights don't work, so I let him know it's easy, I'll explain it and he can do that him self. (He's actual been an electrician, alarm installer and now cable guy)

When we get to the boat it's a nice little center console. I quickly notice the tilt ram is bent. We turn on the battery run the tilt and find that the motor will not trim down all the way. I had him run it up and hear a pop. Seems it's not connected at the top.

So this is when I notice the horrible bow in the transom and the cracks between the transom and floor.

Well the transom moves a good three inches on the top when you move the motor, even the bandaid plate bends!

So I let him know what's up and go about letting him know what needs to be done and offer to help him fix it. (he could even do it in my yard)

That's when the girlfriend arrives! So I'm standing there being as nice as I can trying to explain that the boat needs to be fixed and is not safe. She tells me the tilt is fine it's just not connected:facepalm:, but it works fine and just stares at me.

I ask her to look at the transom and the cracks and she just stares...

After a couple long moments I turned to my friend and tell him," ok this is weird, you can give me a ride home when ever your ready, cause I am not going in that boat" and walk over and get in his truck.

So he spends the rest of the day getting yelled at, being told I don't know sh*&, and now he's not allowed to hang out with me. (kind of gonna make it hard for him to be in the band that way).

Is there actually a good way to tell someone the truth? I'm not going to lie to make someone feel good and have them get hurt.

Remember that youtube vid of the motor going into the bass boat and hitting the guy? I've seen quite a few rotted transoms but none that bad.

 

[Davem3]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

you could just let them take it out and let the motor get a good bath, and then after say" i told ya so" but i HATE pollution ............

the tilt ram is a SERIOUS clue............that puppy was hit under probably WOT, musta been one hellasious log or rock

i dunno, let it go for now and see what happens ???

 

[rickryder]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Send the girlfriend here to look at resto threads..... really no nice way to put it if the boat has a trashed transom....people just don't want to hear the truth....

 

[jigngrub]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

I've run into the same sort of thing when I try to tell folks about their glass boats, they look at me like I just kicked their dog. For me, the best I can do is tell them the truth whether they like it or not... if they want to listen, that's great. If they don't want to hear it, well I tried.

A lot of people that own glass boats have no idea how they're constructed and think they have nothing to worry about because the boat is made of fiberglass and fiberglass doesn't rot.

 

[Bondo]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Send the girlfriend here to look at resto threads..... really no nice way to put it if the boat has a trashed transom....people just don't want to hear the truth....

Ayuh,..... As a former Boy Scout of many years ago, I've always believed in Honesty....

Sometimes Brutal Honesty is the only way to go 'bout life....

I see it/ get it, quite often right here on the forums,...
I'd rather be known as the Brutally Honest A(*)(*)hole, rather than the A(*)(*)hole who lied 'bout it....

 

[Jlawsen]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

No good deed goes unpunished. Stupid is as stupid does. Let it be, Let it be, Let it be, Let it be. Wish... Well you get it.

 

[carpedium]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

It was an emotional reaction, she got screwed and she's pissed so she takes it out on a loved one. It happens. Hopefully she realizes how stupid it is and you get a phone call in the next couple days! I don't think I would have handled it any different.

 

[BaileysBoat]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

You did right. It is not about the boat, it's about the wacky girlfriend.

 

[GT1000000]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Time heals all wounds...

I totally agree with "Honesty is the Best Policy"...even if it's sucky news...

I have the same deniability problem with my great neighbor and his boat...

He constantly believes that a little TLC will bring it back from the brink, but the reality is something else altogether...he even denies how long it has been sitting out in the open...his kids were around 12-14 yrs old the last time he had it on the water...they are in their twenties now...

It has taken months and for him to see what I am going through on my almost 10 year newer boat, but he is finally starting to realize that he would have to pour a ton of cash, sweat and tears into this puppy, so it is now listed in CL...as a project hull...

Unfortunately, in all things relating to someone else's property, they think it is more than it is...whether for better or worse...

We are stubborn humans and hate to admit that we are wrong about anything, until reality smacks us in the 'ol noggin and we realize that maybe, just maybe, we don't know it all...

Best of luck getting things squared up with your buddy, and take away a very valuable lesson from this...do not discuss complicated and possibly negative things about boats with any other persons than Iboaters......If in doubt, send them here for a reality check...if they wish to remain blind to the facts, just say "Thanks, but no thanks...I'll restore my own boat to go out in or buy a new one..."

TTFN,
GT1M

 

[Yacht Dr.]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Is there actually a good way to tell someone the truth? I'm not going to lie to make someone feel good and have them get hurt.

I feel ya bro ..

There is only one way..just to tell it like it is man.

You dont have to sugar coat it..and you dont have to salt coat it. It is what it is ( In your best informed opinion ).

You can suggest that your gonna come back and show why its not good to run..take few tools and explain why it is dangerous.

Peeps dont like to hear " its just bad and im outa here " .. Explain why and convince them of Why..

Truth with explanations will go far ( yes you might have to break out the crayons for the lady ) .

YD.

 

[74bayliner]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

agree with YD... tell the girlfriend to take a hike for a while (or give her a Victoria secret gift card so she can leave u guys alone for the afternoon) than come sit down at the dry dock, and show him Frisco Boaters First few videos that start off with "I made a huge mistake" and Frisco shows it best on how he got screwed over and didn't want to admit it at first than finally decided that he would do what was necessary...

That or.. send them something in email/face book/text etc saying look you asked for my opinion... I based my opinion from experience/knowledge of what you know... tell them please for the love of god if you do not like my opinion please get a second opinion... they would get second opinions if it were medically related, or if they were buying a car you always get a second opinion.. they could pay a boat mechanic or someone who fixes boats for a living come out there and take a peek at it. it costs them a little more than what you charged "free" but at least they will be told by a professional the same thing!!! and then some

I say.. don't let it worry you, u did what you could and I'm sure a little while will pass and they will come back to you and apologize if not, than that's their own prerogative

 

[fmjnax]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

I think in this case, seeing is believing (although seeing that huge flex didn't make them believe...). Tell him to take some core samples of the transom and they can see it with their own eyes.

 

[lakelover]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

I think you did it exactly right. The girlfriend is his problem, not yours.

 

[tpenfield]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

. . . That's when the girlfriend arrives! So I'm standing there being as nice as I can trying to explain that the boat needs to be fixed and is not safe. She tells me the tilt is fine it's just not connected:facepalm:, but it works fine and just stares at me.

I ask her to look at the transom and the cracks and she just stares...

After a couple long moments I turned to my friend and tell him," ok this is weird, you can give me a ride home when ever your ready, cause I am not going in that boat" and walk over and get in his truck.

So he spends the rest of the day getting yelled at, being told I don't know sh*&, and now he's not allowed to hang out with me. (kind of gonna make it hard for him to be in the band that way).

Is there actually a good way to tell someone the truth? . . .

Yup, I think you told them . . . except *somebody* didn't want to hear it. Some folks just want to be right, you know . . .
:facepalm:

 

[Pmccraney]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

I think you did it exactly right. The girlfriend is his problem, not yours.

+1 on this... Sleep, well.. you did the right thing... If it were purely cosmetic (not safety), I would say zip it and let them think they have a gem (One thing I have learned in life and law practice, no one likes to be told their "baby" (real or metaphorical) is ugly).... However, this it totally different... what you spotted was/is a serious safety issue that could leave them stranded (especially if they want to "take it out to the keys" - not exactly farm pond cruising...) They take a wave wrong or run aground in some skinny water and they are going to be there for awhile...

As my personal mentor, prophet and wise sage (Norm, from cheers) once said... "Women, can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts."

 

[oops!]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

lol......poor guy...shy buys him a carp boat......and HE gets yelled at....

e-mail her a you tube of a vid of a boat failing.

giver here a link to this site....

OR.....is she trying to knock this guy off?

 

[NSBCraig]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Now that's funny oops! (trying to knock him off)

Well I think they are no longer dating, over this or just the general situation of their relationship, who knows. He says it's cause of the way she treated me, but I don't think I'm anywhere near that important.

After thinking longer about it my thoughts are-

The tilt ram, (late 70's johnson 90hp) the center one that looks like a shock, was disconnected at the top. As she said it works it's just disconnected. Since it's supposed to be connected and hold the motor from tilting up on it's own, I'm figuring they used the boat that way, the motor slammed down on the rod bending it.

This was the first thing I notice because the motor wouldn't tilt down all the way. In fact it was what you'd call trimmed out when it was as far down as it could go.

There is a good chance that the boat would have lasted a couple more seasons with it's bandaided transom but it probably got pounded by the motor like a sledge hammer, rapidly breaking apart the weak transom.

So it's not necessarily that someone ripped her off, it seems they told her what needed to be fixed. She chose it ignore it and damaged the boat to a unsafe condition. Were talking about a nice little center console boat, motor, trailer with bimini and ski pylon for $1500. A definite fixer, but damaging the tilt just added to the bill.

My concern is only safety. We'd all like to think that if your transom failed your motor would just fall off the boat, but I'm starting to think about it more and more. Odds are it would be running when the failure happens, and it's still connect by the steering cable, controls, battery cables. Seems you'd have a 90hp motor w/ spinning prop bouncing around attached to the boat. If you saw that video of the motor flopping up into the bass boat you'd know what I mean. It's pretty scary.

 

[greenbush future]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Rest well knowing you fixed a couple problems for your good friend, the boat thing was just one of them. I would have done the same thing you did, and there is no need to adjust your method of communicating. But the bigger and IMO funnier item was the overbearing boat anchor you helped relieve him of. Now pass the nuts!

 

[64osby]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

NSB - Good job, ya sometimes the truth hurts. You did the right thing delivering it straight.

If you ever see her again and she gives you attitude, you could say

 

[Crashsector]

Re: Is there a nice way to tell someone the truth about their boat?

Why am I the first one to say...


Pics of the crazy girlfriend?




This situation reminds me of people that ask my advice then ignore it...

--Andy