Re: Lady Fish
I very much agree that there is a form of survivor's guilt in these situations. There is also a tendancy for those outside of the issue to minimize it.
When your home and possessions have been largely spared, and those that you love escaped harms way, you know that you have been very, very lucky. At the same time, there is loss. You come home to a city or town that has been devastated, and there is no doubt in your mind about the reality of what happened.
The place that you call home very literally looks like a war zone. It also looks dead. This is a hard thing to describe, because it doesn't translate to the images seen on TV by people with no connection to the place. To viewers, the images are just photos or videos of a place. They have no connection to it and they don't know its physical being or character. When you know a place down to its potholes, however, it is a part of you. To see that place on its knees, especially at night when it is dark and abnormally quiet, is like a body blow from a prize fighter - it just takes your breathe away.
As you experience this, there is another factor at play - that is the reality that many of your friends suffered much more. As you are experiencing your own, very real emotions, you begin to try to rationalize them because you know what happened to you, could have been worse. I think this mental process is both bad and good. The bad side is that you feel guilt for your own fears and concerns, and in that suppress them, while the good side is that you are damn lucky and need to realize that fact.
As I have said before, I think that being busy is the magic elixer in this kind of a situation. Its not that LF, her husband, myself, or most other people, would lie down act like it was all over, if not for the things to do. It is simply that the need to do them creates momentum and fixation on positive things. In that, there a blocking out of all the bad stuff - you don't have time for self pity, survivor's guilt, or much of anything else.
To those who have friends going throught this, I would say to just watch them. You know them; you know their moods, you know their strengths and weaknesses and you know when things aren't right with them. I think that, for the most part, you will be astounded at the strength and determination that they exhibit, but you will also see the moments when they are on edge. When this happens, it will be time for you to step in with an invitation to a football party at your house, a barbeque, or something else to get that friend to just "chill" for long enought to let the pressure blow off.
With an understanding of the dynamics of this sort of thing, and a good, healthy family and social life, human beings are amazing and can do amazing things. I have no doubt that such things will happen in places like Galveston, Gilchrist, Surfside, etc.
Rock On, Texas! You'll be fine in the end!
