love this board but?

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miloman

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Nov 3, 2002
Messages
1,181
This is a great board and there are alot of good folks here..... I understand the personal trauma you as American's feel In fact on 9/11 I randomly picked up the phone and started dialing 212 area codes and giving my support to any human who had a machine but can we move to a lighter subject <br /><br />Dont yell at me America the greatest power in the world is going to crush that Worm Sadam we know that can move to more interesting subjects like spinnerbaits one<br /><br />Come on guys posts your funny little stories like Spinerbaits WE all need to laugh....... My funny story was looking at my credit card statement today Well not funny kinda almost gave me a stroke how about you?
 
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Hooty

Rear Admiral
Joined
Oct 2, 2001
Messages
4,496
Re: love this board but?

O-K<br /><br />As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.<br />Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I<br />just<br />heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate<br />280.<br />Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's<br />hundreds of<br />them!"<br /><br />c/6<br /><br />Hooty
 
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88spl

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Mar 18, 2002
Messages
385
Re: love this board but?

I to reveived my credit card bill, had not had a stroke but did have to change my underware......Its all good!<br />
smileeek.gif
 
12Footer

12Footer

Fleet Admiral
Joined
Mar 25, 2001
Messages
8,217
Re: love this board but?

Ariving at his home port after two years at sea, the pirate walked-into his favorite pub.<br />He sat at the bar,and yelled, "Hey Pete,don't ya recognise yer ol patron? I'll admit to be being a bit worse for me travels, but I thirst for a pint!"<br /><br />"Bart???", the barkeep replied, "Is that you? My, but the seas have changed you this last trip!".<br /><br />Bart:"Arrrr, that it has! The fights I've been in,the tales I can tell!" <br /><br />Pete:" So, Bart,what happened to your leg?"<br /><br />Bart: "Argh, It resides in davey Jones' Locker aside the scurvy sea louse what lobbed it with a blow! But, as ya sees, the ship's woodright fashioned me this fair wooden leg. was a bugger ta learn ta walk on at first, but now I cavort just fine upon it!"<br /><br />Pete: "I see. Well, what happened to you hand?"<br /><br />Bart: "i lost it to another fight in Trafalger.Arr, but as ye cn see, I have this fine hook. It took a wee bit of gettin used ta, but I c'n now pick up a shilling with her,and hold me cup without breakin her".<br /><br />Pete: "Well, that's good, Captain...So, you got the eyepatch in a battle at sea".<br /><br />Bart: "No I lost me eye on the first day after getting me new hook."
 
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MIKE F

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Aug 30, 2001
Messages
313
Re: love this board but?

Two Arabs are chatting. One of them has his wallet out flipping through pictures. This was my older boy he says, he was a martyr, this was my other son he was a martyr also. After a pause the other Arab replies with a wistful smile. It's amazing they blow up so fast.
 
M

miloman

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Nov 3, 2002
Messages
1,181
Re: love this board but?

more more these are really funny
 
OBJ

OBJ

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Dec 27, 2002
Messages
10,161
Re: love this board but?

WARNING!! WARNING!! VIRUS ALERT!!!<br /><br />If you receive an email entilted "BEDTIMES", delete if IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. This virus is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive , but it will also deleted anything on disks within 20ft of your computer.<br /><br />It demagnetizes the strips an ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your pone auto dial to call only 900 numbers.<br /><br />This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.<br /><br />It will cause your toilet to flush while you are showering.<br /><br />IT WILL DRINK ALL YOUR BEER!!<br /><br />FOR GOD'S SAKE ARE YOU LISTENING????<br /><br />It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.<br /><br />If the "BEDTIMES" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hir dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill yourskim milk with whole milk.<br /><br />WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN.<br /><br />If you don't send this to 5000 people in the next 30 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will fall of sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.<br /><br />SEND THIS TO EVERYONE!!!<br /><br />By the way....if you are a blond...this is a joke.<br /><br />OBJim :D
 
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88spl

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Mar 18, 2002
Messages
385
Re: love this board but?

The two Kerrymen stood on the deck of the submarine when the order rang out: <br /><br />'Dive, dive, dive.' <br /><br />Off the deck they leapt into the sea, just as the sub went down. <br /><br />'Begod, Paddy,' said Mick, 'we only just got off before it sank!'
 
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dmessy

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jul 8, 2001
Messages
505
Re: love this board but?

You'er Mommas' so fat that she was told to haul a** and it took her 3 days...
 
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ob

Admiral
Joined
Aug 16, 2002
Messages
6,992
Re: love this board but?

Perfect Dmessy.I like the yo mamas so "" jokes.<br /><br />Here's one : Yo mamas so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a bugar out of Washingtons nose.
 
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ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
2,289
Re: love this board but?

oh yeah?!! :mad: <br /><br />well- yor mamas so fat her address covers 3 zipcodes!<br /><br />an she the only mama on the block that can go to the beach and sell shade...<br /><br />an i herd she gotta layaway plan for french frys at McDonalds
 
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88spl

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Mar 18, 2002
Messages
385
Re: love this board but?

YOUR MOMMA'S SO FAT THAT SHE HAS STRETCH MARKS ON HER CLOTHES!<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.<br />Your momma's so fat,<br />I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
 
gonfishn

gonfishn

Commander
Joined
May 16, 2002
Messages
2,390
Re: love this board but?

Sounds like alot of you are bored to and have to much time on your hands. Spring is still a long way off.......
 
Tacklewasher

Tacklewasher

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Sep 18, 2002
Messages
1,588
Re: love this board but?

Virus Message<br /><br />You have just received the do-it-yourself virus.<br /><br />Course we don't know much programming, so if you could send this to everyone in your address book and the delete all the files on you hard disk, it would be greatly appreciated.<br /><br />Thanks
 
Scoop

Scoop

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
1,158
Re: love this board but?

The "Bedtimes" virus will drink my beer?!?!?!<br /><br />Well, I better leave work immediately so I can get home and drink it before the virus does. :D
 
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dmessy

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jul 8, 2001
Messages
505
Re: love this board but?

yo mammas' so hairy Bigfoot takes pictures of her...
 
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mellowyellow

Vice Admiral
Joined
Jun 8, 2002
Messages
5,327
Re: love this board but?

what do you get when you cross an unethical lawyer<br />and a crooked politician????<br /><br />Chelsea :p
 
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ob

Admiral
Joined
Aug 16, 2002
Messages
6,992
Re: love this board but?

A rich liar?<br />Yo mammas butt's so big Evel Knievel couldn't jump the crack.<br /> <br />Yo mammas so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.<br /><br />Yo mama so nasty ,I called her for phone sex and I got an ear infection.
 
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