McDonald's Job Application...<br />It is rumored that this an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald's... and further rumored that they hired him! <br /><br />1. NAME: Greg Bulmash<br /><br />2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.<br /><br />3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.<br /><br />4. EDUCATION: Yes.<br /><br />5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.<br /><br />6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.<br /><br />7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.<br /><br />8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.<br /><br />9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.<br /><br />10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.<br /><br />11. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.<br /><br />12. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?<br /><br />13. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?: Of what?<br /><br />14. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"<br /><br />15. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.<br /><br />16. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.<br /><br />17. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.<br /><br />18. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.<br /><br />19. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.
