SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"The Puppies"<br /><br />A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies<br />to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.<br />As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under<br />one another in their box, I realized it would be<br />difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest.<br /><br />I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers,<br />and moistened each dog's head when I had<br />finished a treatment.<br /><br />After the fourth puppy, I noticed my very blonde<br />talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled<br />the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward<br />and she whispered, "I didn't know they had to<br />be baptized."<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Smart Dog"<br /><br />A large dog walks into a butcher shop, carrying<br />a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and<br />sits in front of the meat case.<br /><br />"What is it, boy?" the butcher jokingly asks. "Want<br />to buy some meat?"<br /><br />"Woof!" barks the dog.<br /><br />"Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon,<br />steak..."<br /><br />"Woof!" interrupts the dog.<br /><br />"And how much steak? Half a pound, one pound..."<br /><br />"Woof!" signals the dog.<br /><br />The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds<br />the money in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves,<br />the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an<br />apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins<br />scratching at a door. With that, the door swings open<br />and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.<br /><br />"Stop!" yells the butcher. "He's the most intelligent<br />animal I've ever seen!"<br /><br />"Intelligent?" counters the man. "This is the third time<br />this week he's forgotten his key!"<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Senior Moments"<br /><br />While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at<br />a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their<br />meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.<br /><br />When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left<br />her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them<br />until after they had been driving about twenty minutes.<br />By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel<br />quite a distance before they could find a place to turn<br />around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve<br />her glasses.<br /><br />All the way back, the elderly husband became the<br />classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained<br />and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire<br />return drive. The more he chided her, the more<br />agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.<br /><br />To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant and<br />as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to<br />retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,<br />"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat."<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Mail Problems"<br /><br />Thanks to Kim Harding for day's real life laugh<br />from her family.<br /><br />Dear Pastor Tim,<br /><br />This is a true story, My husband's grandmother<br />passed away and for many months afterwards<br />my father-in-law made repeated phone calls to<br />attempt to stop a company from sending mail<br />to the house for his deceased mother.<br /><br />In frustration, he finally filled out a change of<br />address card changing her address to the<br />Jefferson Memorial Park where she was laid<br />to rest.<br /><br />It worked! No more mailings came to the house.
