Need advice on my 15 year old step son

[THE-TAZ]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Sounds to me like all you are to them is a paycheck, bring home the money and sit down shut up and leave my poor little kid alone. I wouldn't live in a house that I couldn't get any more respect than that!! IMHO<br /><br />Taz

 

[Homerr]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Well...There's your answer...<br /><br />FOLLOW THROUGH!<br /><br />And don't let the child division catch you...<br />God forbid you raise an eyebrow to the kid...They'd toss you in jail!<br /><br />Yes..take away privileges. That works (usually)<br /><br />H.

 

[jim phillips]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Mako<br />You may be close to the truth

 

[SeaMasterZ@aol.com]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

step son AND mother in law??????<br /><br />dammn - there is one way out<br /><br />go to the local True Value Hardware store<br /><br />get you fifty feet of good nylon 3/4 inch rope<br /><br />heave one end over a good sturdy limb of a big tree<br /><br />then hang em both level with each other, and let em tear each other apart!<br /><br />sh!t, no, thats how to get rid of two cats<br /><br />never mind! <br /><br />one day youll find yourself strapped to a gurney, with some white coats talking about buspar or atavan for ya!<br /><br />

 

[jim phillips]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

ROTFLMAO<br /><br />thanks ray

 

[THE-TAZ]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

I've been there too Lucky Jim and it is not easy.You are getting alot of good advice but until your wife and MIL back your wishes you are fighting a losing battle. Again, that is my opinion.<br /><br />Taz

 

[THE-TAZ]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

lucky just hang your MIL between the two cats, Or heck just hang her. LMAO @ ray also!! <br /><br />Taz

 

[SeaMasterZ@aol.com]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

::taking bows:: youre welcome, anytime!<br /><br />I know its rough, but the kid should grow out of the phase, and the mother in law, well, ehhhhhh ... mother in laws .... ::sharpening a harpoon:: I remember mine ... ::loading explosive charge::<br /><br />id tell ya how I got rid of mine ::tying anchor line to harpoon::, but first lemme ask ya something ...<br /><br /> DOES SHE SWIM??? <br /><br />

 

[vidar]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Hi! i also been a moneybag....if you work for 8 hours why cant wife/in-law work same amooount? and for 15 year: no work no friends....and NO TV...and follow thru...btw : i kiickt wife out pay child support and have a better life(and have more time to children when bit** out of home)

 

[neumanns]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Lucky jim...Toufgh one but heres my twobits. Seems like your taking out frustrations on the boy that may be from other mentioned sources. Realistically yes i think you are flusterated over the lawn, but what i kinda hear is you dont want to adress the wife not standing unified with ya.<br /><br />You dont stand a chance with the boy until you can get the wife to stand with ya. Perhaps you could have the MIL watch the kids while the two of you get away for a couple days to have a good heart to heart and refind the reason your together. You have not lost what you had its just buried under all the other conflict.<br /><br />Once you get that out of the way then you can redefine whith her what is expected of the boy and agree that she will stand behind you.<br /><br />my gut also tells me perhaps the reason she is not standing united is just a jab at you in retaliation for what is really missing here, You 2 working for a common goal. <br /><br />Dont surrender, Go find it ...I believe its still there.

 

[12Footer]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

You've received the best tips I've ever seen in one place on your problem, and so I have nothing to add.<br />In his own mind, he is all grown up, and thinks he can do anything, even live forever.<br />He is testing his wings. What he sees as vital, are a far cry from reality. To him, it's more inportant to meet up with his circle of friends for a briefing, than oit is to mow grass, which he allready knows is his responsability.<br />His priorities dictate his actions, just as anyone else, but they are not yours, and not proper.<br />If you make a decision as to punative steps, or any other reactionary rules, stick to them like glue, no matter what action he takes to manipulate. Make no mistake, at 15, kids are EXPERTS at manipulation. And you won't even know it. His mom may figure out he is manipulating you, and you might see him manipulate her. But when you're the victum, they are not very detectable. listen to your mate when she says, "He doing __________ to get you to _________" (fill-in the blanks).<br />You'll say to yourself, "nah! No way!". But trust me. With three of my own,and one red-headed step chile, I've lived-thru it.<br />They are so good at it, they act like seasoned sales-people!

 

[backdraft]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Lucky Jim neumanns hit the nail on the head.Your problems can only be solved by a joint effort. If it can't be solved that way , get the mother in law out first, then let the lawn grow. Teenagers brains are not wired right yet they still seem to grow up. Maybe ,just maybe you are bringing the authoritative job home with you. Been there, hard to overcome .nevjb

 

[JasonB]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Hope no one minds if I toss in a few words here. My wife and I have no kids officially, but we have one dew in 3-4 weeks. I almost dread raising a child in today's world, much less whet it will be like in 5-10 years.<br /><br />I can say that I see some of what you are talking about from volunteering to work with some teens. As others have said, part of the key seems to be follow through and patience. If you are right and back down from the 15 year old, it starts a landslide that is hard to stop. The first battle may be to get your spouse on the same page. Not to get off on too much of a religious curve, but my wedding vows included instructions that it is my duty to support my wife and likewise for her to support me, espicially in rough times. This may be even more important with step children involved. <br /><br />If I were in your shoes, I would probably take my wife out for a quiet dinner away from the family and try to get on the same page. We have done that before and it seemed to help. It helps cut out the outside influences.<br /><br />If you are in a church, your pastor may be able to help. If not, maybe a marriage counselor.<br /><br />I hope I'm not out of line with this one.

 

[Skinnywater]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Jim, the mother-inlaw thing says alot about the entire situation, including the stepson and wife.<br /><br />It tells me you're a very nice, easy going, fair and patient man.<br /><br />It also tells that you've allowed yourself to be taken advantage/for granted by your mother-inlaw, wife and stepson.<br /><br />Jim, I'd say this to my best friend if he needed to hear it. Time for a heart to heart with your wife and some real understanding and long in coming support from her.<br /> <br />Your wife and mother-inlaw should take over at this point and show some respect to you by coming up with a solution to have the stepson do his chores. <br /><br />This whole situation sounds very serious and unhealthy for you Jim. <br />I'm wishing you luck.

 

[FLATHEAD]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

JasonB , I felt bad when I saw your post of dread about raising a kid in these days and times. <br /><br /> Nothing could farther from the truth.The best times I have ever had have been times with my kids. Weather it was little league or fishing or hunting or whatever,, I say you should look forward to having kids,, they will reward you over and over again without a single thought.

 

[JasonB]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Flathead, looking back on what I said earlier, it's not so much dread at the job ahead of me, as it is fear of what this child wil face and if we will even be allowed to raise it in way that prepares it to make good choices. It seems that everyone wants to tell you can't spank, you can't correct them, etc. I was raised knowing right from wrong, but is seems that the fanatics out there think a child should decide right from wrong based on their world, kinda like Califonia's creative mathematics. Not gonna happen in this house. Some things are right, somethings are always wrong, and you always have respect for others. Period.

 

[oddjob]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Jim, Skinny and everyone gave you good advise. <br /><br />I have 16,10, & 8 year old boys. The little ones fold clothes clean their rooms and other misc. The 16 year old just moved in three months ago. He had been home schooled the last two years in texas and is about to complete his GED next month. He is home right now doing a list of chores. Then in the afternoon he must follow up on job searching. He will go college asap as well.<br /><br />Taking care of routeen chores is everyones (other than you-the paycheck)responsibility in the house.<br /><br />My wife works. So him paying his way here and in life helps his stock big time in this house. The wife cant complain, even if she wants to. <br /><br />As a reward I now have the time to haul them (boys)to the beach trips fishing etc. on the week ends. Ive told them if they want to hunt, fish camp etc then they must be the mates and I'm the capiton! Im trying to teach them that the more I can rely on them as a team the more fun we can have in the great outdoors. <br /><br />You need to find some balance. You might want to call a family meeting (after talking to the wife first). Dole out duties to everyone including MIL and put it all on the calender. Plan some trips at the same meeting. If someone disents then you need to start taking back what is takin for granted. I know its easy said. Just dont give uor give in. <br /><br />I know every situation is different. This situation needs a leader.<br /><br /> <br />I hope I helped...make your own luck Lucky

 

[Carphunter]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

Couldn't agree more Flahthead, well said.<br /><br />Anyone that says you can't or shouldn't spank a kid, must not have any. Let me clarify. There were times when I was a kid, that I needed a spanking......period. Talk can be cheap. Granted, to me spanking is a last resort, but it is part of a larger disciplinary plan. The punishment must fit the crime. I spanked one of my boys for stealing. He was only eight, and didn't understand exactly what he had done, but I felt it necessary to not only discipine him, but to scare him so bad that he would understand how serious stealing is. I would rather do this when they are young, instead of waiting and watching one of them go to jail. I love them boys, and its my duty to teach them right from wrong. Its my job to prepare them for the real world. And I will say that they love me just as much as I love them.<br /><br />Anyway, Lucky Jim, sounds as though your getting good advice. He gets what he wants, when you get what you want. As far as the MIL thing, I would never have allowed that to happen in the first place. Sounds as though you need to get her out of the house. You and your spouse should sit down and agree on the discipline for your step-son, and I would make it clear to your wife that you both need to support each other.<br /><br />as they say, my .02 cents worth.

 

[tylerin]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

LuckyJim, I sense that the Stepson is the tip of the iceburg. When you said that the only thing keeping you there is the thought of paying all that child support, I felt that you have bigger issues than the stepson. The irony is you work at a prison only to be a prisoner in your own home. My feeling on kids is you can only spank, discipline, school them etc. if you love them. Anything else is out of meaness. Start looking into the mirror, and take care of that person. If your marriage is worth saving(I hope it is)than its time to take the bull by the horns.If you don't get it together asap you're going to be miserable the rest of your life. Sure child support isn't cheap, but what's Peace of Mind worth. Everything to me. I'm watching this post like a hawk, because I'm concerned for you. If you don't change nothing will, I guarantee you that. Good luck Jim, and remember that this is the place you want to vent

 

[mellowyellow]

Re: Need advice on my 15 year old step son

same problems with my 15yr old son... tried everything! punishment, rewards, you name it...<br />turned out to be just a phase and now he's 16 and a model citizen!<br />sometimes you just gotta wait out the storm. <br />good luck,<br />M.Y.