Pat

heycods

Captain
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
3,941
Ok fill us in hows it going, whens surgery scheduled, how you feeling. talk to us man were here for you.
 

pjc

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Jun 29, 2003
Messages
1,856
Re: Pat

Thank You heycods my friend! Been lower than pond scum. Thank God for my EAP program that my employer provides. Went and downloaded all that has happened as of last monday on last wednesday. And retained a great imo divorce lawyer on friday. This past weekend was unusually surreal. It is very hard putting to text here how "it" is. Just want to go sit in a chair and deny this load. Ain't felt like doing much of anything...even visiting iboats! The gravity of the action my wife serving me is setting in for both of us. Our kids are AOK..they are unawares anything is up far as I can tell. <br /><br />Oddly enough, the impinged nerve at c5-c6 has improved. Most range of motion and strength of arm is back. Tomorrow I see my doc for a pre surg check. Per advice from the consoler at the EAP I will download all thats happening to my doc, and ask to delay or cancel surg. Way to much crap on my plate now. Have to get off to work now. Once again, woke early with tons of worry...what a pus hey! :)
 

heycods

Captain
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
3,941
Re: Pat

Its a tough deal pat. Your Doc will know best on the surgery put off, I presume your on steriods, they will help. Just dont let it go to long. As for the Divorce, what ever will be will be, but your life will change for the better afterwards, irreguardless of which way it goes. Time heals all wounds. In my prayers. lwr
 

ZooMbr

Petty Officer 1st Class
Joined
Oct 8, 2004
Messages
356
Re: Pat

pjc, I'll add my support and echo heycods on the divorce. Don't know a thing about yours; but, my ex felt she deserved a better life so she filed -- really rough to get through and the best to you on doing so. Long walks to tire me helped as well a a close friend to talk to. When it was all over I found my life taking a turn for the better -- hers took a real down turn. Life is kinda like that -- work through it, time does heel all(most) all.
 

rwise

Captain
Joined
Jul 5, 2001
Messages
3,205
Re: Pat

went through back surgery in 94, all came out well for me, hope it works as well for you also. The time it takes to get past your divorce is going to depends on many things, mine (divorce) was final in September, still feels fresh, but then I put 110% of me into the relationship, good luck with both!
 

Ron G

Commander
Joined
Apr 28, 2005
Messages
2,905
Re: Pat

Best of luck,everthing does find a way to work out.hang in there.were all here if you need to talk.
 

Kenneth Brown

Captain
Joined
Feb 3, 2003
Messages
3,481
Re: Pat

Been wondering myself but you hadn't brought it up anymoe so I figured you didn't want to talk about it. Remember that you have tons of support here.
 

sangerwaker

Commander
Joined
Jul 29, 2004
Messages
2,059
Re: Pat

Pat,<br />glad to hear the back-neck-arm is doing better. Sorry to hear you're still in the gutter emotionally. I wish you the best of luck on both of your situations.<br /><br />I'm sure it's a very difficult time, but make sure you try to take some "me" time. Do something you really enjoy. Go to one of your favorite places. Just do anything to try to lighten the mood. You have a lot of friends here. We'll certainly listen if you want to talk.....about anything.
 

pjc

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Jun 29, 2003
Messages
1,856
Re: Pat

am humbled to reply to all here, not sure how..so here goes.......first is that i have learned humility is something i have ignored. this characteristic is most important for i have both in my personal family life and on this iboats board with my friends and members here displayed an arrogance, a lack of consideration as well as patience and respect that i claim to promote in my signature.<br /><br />humility.......very important quality...some husbands figure that i did a hard days work, gonna have a beer, chill, let me do my thing. the expectation is that though that attitude and want may be real, your family expects more. you as the husband or wife may believe that she or he stays at home running the show, a job that you state on the surface is hard, but dismiss as less of an obligation than your daily grind of earning the bucks to float the household boat. some like me distance themselves from the family due to the above. the wife or husband bond more with the kids.....set the other aside as stressed, but necessary to the family. soon, you are not a close part of the family......detached. <br /><br />that describes me. i did not copy past this.....my thoughts. been feeling the detachment from my loved ones for a couple years. kids seem to notice this less, especially younger kids like mine. me and my bride do feel this gradual separation as we are not as intimate and "cognizant" of each other.<br /><br />our intimate relationship suffers as well. initial thought is kids needs are priority. i know now that time set aside for us was much more vital to keep our marriage together. hard to do, and recognize that. we did not.<br /><br />a final thought is that the primary root issues are..."you drink too much, never spend enough time with us".......and "you spend too much, we are always in cc debt at the end of the year".<br /><br />much more deeper issues, a child's adha for example, but all here, please listen to your inner ear and intuition for your families needs.......dern, this sucks......
 

QC

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Mar 22, 2005
Messages
22,783
Re: Pat

Honest and good advice. I am sure that sometimes we all need that reminder, I do . . . Thanks.
 

heycods

Captain
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
3,941
Re: Pat

The range of emotions one suffers while these trying times take place is unbelieveable. I remember the time and mind frame you are presently in. I would not pretend to advise you on what is right and wrong in your situation. That is totaly between you and your wife, to either work out or disolve. I will say however that it takes 2 to tango, you cannot resolve this alone. You will have to work together. To end it or put it back together. I will say you are not totally to blame, two people let your marriage get in this shape, and it will take two to put it together or take it apart. Remeber were there for you.
 

aspeck

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
May 29, 2003
Messages
19,145
Re: Pat

Pat, that has got to be one of the best posts you have ever made here! It sounds like you are headed in the proper direction, and maybe it is not too late to save your marriage. If your wife can see that this truly is from the heart (the emotions come through in the post, but action needs to follow), there will be hope for your marriage, but just as important, and maybe even more important, hope for a better Pat!<br /><br />Each one of us needs to look long and hard into the mirror and re-examine our priorities and how we treat others. Thanks for the heads up and reminder, Pat. If we all take heed, we can all become better mates, partners, and friends.
 
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