Pearly Gates

[Bob_VT]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

?Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.


"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip
to the Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who
were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,
but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker
and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his
nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or
I'll kick the "crap" out of all of you !!!

"St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

 

[bjcsc]

Re: Pearly Gates

Haha!

 

[rolmops]

Re: Pearly Gates

Brigitte Bardot died and arrived at the heavenly gates,where St.Peter took a look at her and then opened his book.In the book it said a number of very riskee things ,but no big bad sins.
So Peter said:"Brigitte this silver paved road in front of you has trapdoors along the first fifty yards. If you can walk these fifty yards without one sinful thought you will be in heaven,but even one bad thought will trigger a trapdoor and you will descend into eternal oblivion"
Brigitte started walking as only Brigitte could. But after 20 yards,there was a loud bang.She turned around to ask St Peter what happened,but he was gone...

 

[Haut Medoc]

Re: Pearly Gates

 

[57whitehouse]

Re: Pearly Gates

A rich man had an angel visit him in his sleep one night and told him God was taking him to heaven the next night.

The man asked " I've been a good steward of the money God has given me. I've given to the church and poor all my life. Could I bring my money to heaven with me?"

The angel said he could bring one suitcase with him with what ever he could fit in it.

The next day the rich man put the most valuable thing he could find into the suitcase. He filled it with 24 karot gold.

The next night the angel came back for him and took him to the pearly gates where St. Peter asked what was in the suitcase. The rich man explained that he had permission to bring one suitcase with whatever he wanted in it.

St Peter said "I must examine what is in it before you can enter heaven with it."

The rich man opened the case and St Peter took one look and exclaimed,"Pavement, you brought pavement?"








PS you see the streets in heaven are paved with gold

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Pearly Gates

A Priest a Rabbi and a looker, show up at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter takes one look and says.......................................
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What is this?? some kinda joke!!

 

[moterboat]

Re: Pearly Gates

A priest died and the next thing he new he was at the gates of St. Peter,St peter was looking at a new york cabbie's sheet of life doing's, he said You have done very well,you may have a caddillac to drive while your in heaven.
st. peter tells the minister after looking at his sheet of doing's that while he is here he may drive a VW beetle,the minister says,What?? I have been teaching people the word of God,Im a minister, why is it that a new york cabbie gets a caddillac? St. peter said because when he drove, people
prayed.

 

[RWilson2526]

Re: Pearly Gates

It's and oldie but......

A priest is stuck in rising flood waters and has moved to the roof of the church.

A rescue boat comes along but he sends them away saying to "go help others the good lord will provide for me"

A second boat comes along and the priest sends away the boat again saying that "the good lord will provide for me"

Finally a helicopter comes to rescue him but again he waves them off so they may go help others.

Well the priest drowns and is at the pearly gates and says quite angrily to Saint Peter: I worked my whole life serving the lord and this is what happens to me?"

St Peter says: He sent you 2 boats and a helicopter...what more could he do.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Pearly Gates

It's and oldie but......

A priest is stuck in rising flood waters and has moved to the roof of the church.

A rescue boat comes along but he sends them away saying to "go help others the good lord will provide for me"

A second boat comes along and the priest sends away the boat again saying that "the good lord will provide for me"

Finally a helicopter comes to rescue him but again he waves them off so they may go help others.

Well the priest drowns and is at the pearly gates and says quite angrily to Saint Peter: I worked my whole life serving the lord and this is what happens to me?"

St Peter says: He sent you 2 boats and a helicopter...what more could he do.

Not only funny, but great "life lesson" tidbit.

 

[Bob_VT]

Re: Pearly Gates

At The Church



A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."


With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."


And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."


Sermon complete, he sat down.


The hymn leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing hymn, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."