RAISING BOYS<br /><br /><br /> a) For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!<br /> b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.<br /> c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.<br /> d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.<br /> e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.<br /><br /> The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:<br /><br /><br /> Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):<br /><br /><br /> 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.<br /><br /> 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.<br /><br /> 3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.<br /><br /> 4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.<br /><br /> 5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.<br /><br /> 6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.<br /><br /> 7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.<br /><br /> 8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.<br /><br /> 9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.<br /><br /> <br /><br /> 10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.<br /><br /> 11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.<br /><br /> 12.) Super Glue is forever.<br /><br /> 13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.<br /><br /> 14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.<br /><br /> 15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.<br /><br /> 16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.<br /><br /> 17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.<br /><br /> 18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.<br /><br /> 19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.<br /><br /> 20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.<br /><br /> 21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.<br /><br /> 22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.<br /><br /> 23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.<br /><br /> 24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.<br /><br /> 25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.<br /><br />And JFYI I am not going to mix clorox with brake fluid 
