Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

wikelam · Dec 2, 2003

I know there is a lot of jokers around here, but I would like some real useful advice. I have been with my wife for 7 years. We dated for the first 4, and have been married for the last 3. We have had our ups and downs. Sort of having one of those small downs the past week. In 3 years I have learned basically three things. I guess one a year. 1. Communications is a must, without it you will get nowhere. 2. Give her what she wants, not what you think she needs, tell her what she wants to hear, not what you think she should hear and let her do what she wants, not what you think she should do. 3. Always put her first. Any advice? Also what is the Third year anniversery? I know that there is traditionally a different type each year. 1 is paper, there is gold, silver etc. Got the big 3 coming up in a few weeks.

JasonJ · Dec 2, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

1. "Communications is a must, without it you will get nowhere." That is true, but it must be intelligent commutication that actually has a result that both parties can live with, otherwise it is a dictatorship. 2. "Give her what she wants, not what you think she needs, tell her what she wants to hear, not what you think she should hear and let her do what she wants, not what you think she should do." Not quite. As long as her actions and desires are not at the expense of mutual respect. She may want to go out and get drunk and and sleep with someone. You want that? 3. "Always put her first". Nope. That is a dictatorship where only one person has the control. A relationship must be based on mutual respect and understanding, where both parties have a say in what happens. 50/50, anything else is a dictatorship based on control issues. Relationships are not hard. Think about how you want to be treated and treat the other person that way. Before you do something stupid, just think about how you would feel if the other person did that to you, and above all, never sacrifice your self-worth for the sake of the other person, you are not their door-mat, and they are not your door-mat.

SpinnerBait_Nut · Dec 2, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Crystal/Glass is 3rd. year stuff

Ross J · Dec 2, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

26 years down that road and I couldn't be any happier with my partner, lover, best friend, wife, mate! Four things - 1 - Love - Unconditional, all the time. 2 - Honesty - Even if it hurts some times. 3 - Trust - Unconditional, always. 4 - Always kiss hello and goodnight - never go to bed on an argument. Always give her a kiss even if you don't really want to. Ross

BRIAN03 · Dec 2, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Good Job I think the key to me is being with the right women for me. I agree with all you state. Keep up the good work.

pjc · Dec 2, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

I and my Lovely Bride celebrated 7th this year, began dating in fall of '93--tied the knot on Labor Day weekend in '96. We have an occasional hissy fit growling match--but--what works for us is always to remember how each other expects to be treated. Oh yea--maybee two engraved crystal whatevers (champagne glasses?) as a keepsake.

NOSLEEP · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Well here's a touchy subject

My lovely wife and I have been together for at least 20 years.And we have had our share of ups and downs like everyone else. I know I am not the easiest person to live with. I am always busy with my hobbies, fishing, boating, hunting, and of course male bonding

She on the other hand works a full time job, and has a house and 3 boys to keep under control We've got her surrounded .

So she has a great deal on her plate. The biggest problems usually manifest themselves when she accuses us guys of taking her for granted. Big mistake, not done on purpose it just seems to fall in place from time to time. What have I learned ? Let her know she is appreciated , dont just tell her show her. Things like flowers, and a dinner she didnt have to cook, and something I call date night,once a week if possible were we spend an evening together doing anything, like playing cards, going to a movie , Going to the neighbor hood pub for a game of pool. I dont really think it matters what it is as long as we spend time together. "Giving her what she wants" is not the answer,and is kind of a loaded question. "Always put her first" sounds kind of selfish. She'd say I'm always first.

It's a give and take thing, But make sure she Knows she is important and appreciated, God knows if it wasn't for my wifes unselfishness, my castle would not be a home.

Tacklewasher · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

One nitpick

Think about how you want to be treated and treat the other person that way. Before you do something stupid, just think about how you would feel if the other person did that to you

I don't always treat my wife how I want to be treated. She would kill me if I did. Better to learn how she wants to be treated and bear in mind that what I think is silly, can be very, very important to her.

BrianFD · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Wikelam, Congrats on the 3 years. After my first 3 years of marriage to my darling I didn't think it could get any better than that. Was I wrong!?! It's continually better from year to year, and we're working on our 29th anniversary coming in May. Don't have any secrets to share: Love her, love her and love her some more. You'll get back double what you invest! Best of luck to you & the lovely! Brian

bubbakat · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Rossj has said it all in a nut shell. I have been married for 36 years with the same women and would marry her all over again if I had another go around at it. we redo our wedding (vowels)sp! every fifteen years. Life is still good with her.

SpinnerBait_Nut · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

I'm with bubba on this one. 34 years here soon to be 35 in Feb. Would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

scamper · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

I made 27 years with mine. Never had one regret. Would surely do it again in a heart beat. She died last year. I dont think you ever realize what you have or how lucky you are till you loose it.

wikelam · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Sorry to hear that Scamper. RossJ--> have not missed a day that I have done #4. Had some heated arguments, but no matter what I always did this. #2 this one has gotten a many a people mad at me. I am brutally honest. I will not lie, sugar coat it, or even butter it up. I believe in this but sometimes i think i should just bite my tongue. My wife knows this, so she will not ask a question unless she wants my honest answer, but some of her friends think different. In saying let her do what she wants, I believe this. But if she wants to go out bar hopping and sleeping around. She can do that. But That does not mean I will be there when she gets home. She knows I will not stand for that. She can do that sort of stuff, but we would be through. I believe that a person should be allowed to do what ever they want. No matter what it is, but they must beware of the consequences and accept them. If I want to do something, I will. But i would never want to do something like that, nor would she. If she wants this, evidentually, she does not really want to be with you. In saying put her 1st, I mean she is the most important thing in your life. Yes, more important than your boat. communication is the key to it all though. As all of us might think we do not know everything. this communication is a 2way process.

dhud64 · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Just celebrated #20. My best advice is, (as others have stated): 1)communication, (civil) 2)don't go to bed angry 3)and never take things for granted. For me, 3# is the hardest. Congrats and good luck! "May all your ups and downs be between the sheets!"

NOSLEEP · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

More important than the boat ,now your getting carried away.

Skinnywater · Dec 3, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

Respect, trust, patience and the reality that time changes all situations. That good times will turn to lows, and back again. And commitment to wait out that change. Devoted husband of 29 years.

LubeDude · Dec 4, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

all of this advice is great, We are celebrating our 20th on the 17th! When we decide to get married we looked each other in the face and said that if we were going to do this it was going to last! We made a COMMITMENT ON THAT DAY, Devorce wasnt an option as we would work it out no matter what! That has saved our marriage over the years! We fall in love more every day!! Oh, and she loves to Bass fish, I only wish she would quit outfishing me!!

LubeDude

Elmer Fudge · Dec 4, 2003

Re: Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

16 yrs and no regrets.Mutual Respect and row in the same direction,pretty darn straight forward to me.

Secrets to a long and happy marriage.

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