> > MessageTHE COW THEORY: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > DEMOCRAT: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being <br /><br />> > successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing <br /><br />> > you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then <br /><br />> > take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel <br /><br />> > righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > SOCIALIST: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. <br /><br />> > You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > REPUBLICAN: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > COMMUNIST: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. <br /><br />> > You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell <br /><br />> > both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a <br /><br />> > gift from your government. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the <br /><br />> > other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > AMERICAN CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on <br /><br />> > the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are <br /><br />> > surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts <br /><br />> > stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > FRENCH CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to <br /><br />> > lunch. Life is good. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > JAPANESE CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an <br /><br />> > ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on <br /><br />> > unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow <br /><br />> > school. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > GERMAN CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of <br /><br />> > beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. <br /><br />> > Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > ITALIAN CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, <br /><br />> > you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > RUSSIAN CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have <br /><br />> > some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count <br /><br />> > them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open <br /><br />> > another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 <br /><br />> > months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > TALIBAN CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them <br /><br />> > because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > POLISH CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to <br /><br />> > milk them. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > FLORIDA CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking <br /><br />> > one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. <br /><br />> > Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't <br /><br />> > figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state <br /><br />> > tell you which is the best-looking one. <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > NEW YORK CORPORATION: <br /><br />> > <br /><br />> > You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the <br /><br />> > leader of the herd, so you pick some dumb cow from Arkansas named Hillary.
