Tool Functions Explained !!!!

[Proselect]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

Wow funny stuff. Too bad its not so funny at the time this all becomes reality. I can relate to all that has been mentioned at one time or another. Being a mechanic as a career I love it when a new tool comes out to make a job easier. Then you fork out the rediculously overpriced fee to own such a tool and it works for crap. I have a whole drawer full of useless crap like that.

 

[jakebrake]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

sawzall. for use in testing one's blood clotting time.

air chizel. handy for loosening teeth and fillings.

jack hammer. handy for removing teeth and fillings.

 

[marlboro180]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

Good Thread Ken!

How about :

MINI -EXCAVATOR: Wonderful little digger that scoops out pea sized bucket loads of dirt , more useful as a live gas line locator.

EXCAVATOR: See above, but capable of much bigger scoops of dirt and really , really handy as a live buried power line locator. Even better at locating 500 pair tel-co lines.

DUMP TRUCK: Overhead power line removal device, tel-co wire stripper and deluxe cable crimper. Also very useful for finding weak spots in drainage ditches. Known also as the money truck, for the utility repairmen.

 

[ezmobee]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

ROUTER
A rediculously high speed tool that is designed for molding contours into wood. Secondary purpose of the razor sharp bit is to strip flesh and muscle from bone, and to wittle bone down to the marrow.

Also usefull for sending router bit bearings flying at 30,000+ rpms and 100MPH. Projectile similar to 9mm bullet

And wood burning! Can't forget that!

 

[rainman99]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside
the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

Must add.
Excellent for removing arm hairs and spraying hot slag into shirt, pants and shoes.(Good luck removing shoe) Best bee bee size blister maker known to man. A flash back can remind you to use the bathroom in your pants. All done in the hands of a skilled personal. You can try this at home.

 

[j_martin]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

When I was in the Navy, we had a chief that had a wild hair about proper tool nomenclature and use.

One day, I heard this short exchange
Seaman: "Hey Chief, I need a wrench."
Chief: "What kind of a &%$@#^% wrech" (Takes the top row of keys to capture the flavor.)
Seaman: "I don't give a *$#*&, I'm going to use it for a hammer anyway."

Poor guy spent the next month in the galley.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

When I was in the Navy, we had a chief that had a wild hair about proper tool nomenclature and use.

One day, I heard this short exchange
Seaman: "Hey Chief, I need a wrench."
Chief: "What kind of a &%$@#^% wrech" (Takes the top row of keys to capture the flavor.)
Seaman: "I don't give a *$#*&, I'm going to use it for a hammer anyway."

Poor guy spent the next month in the galley.

Funny

 

[itsaboattime]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

Lets not forget:

pneumatic Nailer: Used to attach ones hand firmly to whatever project one was working on. At other times used to attach one's hand bones together if shot just right.

Electric flatbed planer: used to find any and all nails in used lumber that one forgot to take out. generally this leads to expensive replacement of planer blades.

Stud finder: A tool invented to locate wall studs without tearing out the wall. A tool that I'm sure looked good on paper but in reality its use still results in several holes in the wall before the stud is found.

 

[mommicked]

Re: Tool Functions Explained !!!!

How bout the 1/2", right angle hole saw drill.weighs about 15 lbs.used to bore holes through floors and wall studs to install 4 or 6" plumbing pipes in walls in new homes or apartments(6")also useful for finding frameing nails used to nail the wall plates your drilling through from the first floor to the next floor above, from atop an 8' step ladder.once the nail is found the drill alerts you by violently counterotateing and causing you to punch yourself in the face knocking you off the ladder as you fall and try to land gracefully amongst the assorted construction debris,the large heavy drill sometimes dislodges itself from the hole and falls on you if you dont get out of the way.sorry if this was to long.