Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

[treedancer]

I cut and pasted this from scrappleface.com thought it was funny. <br /> www.scrappleface.com<br /><br /><br /> 006-03-10) — Dubai Ports World, the Arab state-owned firm that recently bought control of six major American sea ports, today gave in to pressure from Congress and agreed to sell its U.S. operations to Arkansas-based Wal-Mart Stores.<br />The giant retailer’s CEO, Lee Scott, immediately addressed lawmakers’ concerns about security by announcing that blue-vested Cargo Greeters would be stationed at close intervals on docks, piers and tug vessels.<br />“While the ship captains will see these jovial, elderly folk as ambassadors of courtesy,” said Mr.Scot“they actually have been trained in our stores to spot suspicious activity and to make sure criminals never leave the parking lot. In addition, we’ll provide them with weapons training in preparation for this new assignment.”<br />In other words, he said, “if you’re trying to move WMD through a Wal-Port, you may be surprised to learn that in addition to smiley stickers, Granny’s got a Glock<br />The Wal-Mart chief noted that because Cargo Greeters won’t have company-paid health insurance, “they’re highly-motivated to win the war on terror — to shoot first and ask questions later, rather than risk an expensive visit to the emergency room.”

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

 

[fireship1]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Lol Sad part is, it would probably work!

 

[RPJS]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Oh I soooo wish this was true

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Nah, y'all got it wrong again. The US ports are being taken over by a British Company that has been running similar operations like this for years. It's called National Car Park Limited (cue hilarity from the Brit iboaters!)<br /><br />As ship's captain's manouvre carefully into position the NCP attendants will limp into view (they all have a limp, must be a job requirement) and yell "Oi! Mate! Ya Can't Park That Thing There!" <br /><br />Parking tickets will be slapped on any vessel staying three nanoseconds over the time stated on the original ticket.<br /><br />A swinging barrier arm will be constructed at the entrance to every port and manned by the grumpiest old man on the team. <br /><br />It is mandatory for the arm to be unoperational at least once a week.<br /><br />When entering port the capatin will be required to pull up slowly to a ticket dispensing machine and obtain a ticket, if the attendants have remembered to put ticket roll in teh machine first.<br /><br />Female captains will find this manouvre hardest and may cause minor dock problems by having to pull to and fro until they finally give up and get out of the ship to get the ticket.<br /><br />Getting back out of the port will require the capatin to hand over the correct change or face the wrath of the senior attendant and the response of "Have you not got anything smaller?" <br /><br />Ships must be parked in the correct bays, within the lines. NCP reserve the right to dent your ship whilst postioning it correctly.<br /><br />All ports will be litter strewn, poorly lit, smell of urine, and be havens for drugged crazed scroungers and muggers.<br /><br />As the captain leaves the port he (or she) will notice a large sign reading "Thank You For Parking with NCP: Have A Nice Day"

 

[alden135]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

How is this better given the number of illegals employed by Wal Mart?

 

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Originally posted by alden:<br /> How is this better given the number of illegals employed by Wal Mart?

Cause Wal-Mart has all them smileys everwhere.

 

[brine]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

 

[KaGee]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Hey, don't laugh too hard. This could happen!

 

[fireship1]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

<----- Laughing loudly at Stan Deezy's reply.<br /><br /> <br /><br />That was great Stan! I almost fell off the couch I was laughing so hard!

 

[stan_deezy]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Thanks Fireship: we aim to please........except when Ms Deezy's trying reverse parrallel park <br /><br />The only people we please then are the bodyshop owners

 

[alden135]

Re: Wal-Mart buys Dubai Ports.

Originally posted by Stan_Deezy:<br /> Thanks Fireship: we aim to please........except when Ms Deezy's trying reverse parrallel park <br /><br />The only people we please then are the bodyshop owners

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