What pets write in their diaries

[Kiwi Phil]

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpt from a Dog's Diary........

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bxstards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

I feel guilty signing this!.
Cheers
Phillip

 

[avenger79]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

so true.

my dog fits that description to a tee. LOL

 

[DECK SWABBER 58]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

That's great.

Describes one of our two dogs and one of our two cats perfectly.

 

[kenmyfam]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Great

 

[Guest]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

My dog wags his tail and says "yupp me too I agree" he sometimes even thinks he is part people. I swear sometimes he even trys to talk to us.



To all those dog lovers out there beter remember this" Just what do we look like to them when go about our everyday routeens"

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Thats great kiwi!! Thanks for sharing!

 

[veritas honus]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

That was AWESOME!!! Can't wait to show my wife. She's gonna love it!!!

 

[skargo]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

That's awesome and is now on my facebook page!

 

[sasto]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Dog says: He plays with me, gives me a good home, he feeds me, he loves me....he must be God.

Cat says: He plays with me, gives me a good home, he feeds me, he loves me...I must be God.

 

[macsfriended]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Absolutly Fabulous!

Thank You for Sharing those "Favorite Things"

My wife and I are dog people and we laugh each time we read them.

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

I realize this is not going to be a bit hit with some of you, but hey!, don't blame me, I am only the piano player.

Cheers
Phillip


Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog"??
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.








--



I do have another one, some may think better, but I would judge it as being different. Problem is, it is

 

[veritas honus]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

I realize this is not going to be a bit hit with some of you, but hey!, don't blame me, I am only the piano player.

Cheers
Phillip


Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog"??
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.








--



I do have another one, some may think better, but I would judge it as being different. Problem is, it is

Love it... I'd love to see the one you can't post... Would you PM it to me if I promise not to tell?

 

[LippCJ7]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Love it... I'd love to see the one you can't post... Would you PM it to me if I promise not to tell?

Me too please!!!

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Love it... I'd love to see the one you can't post... Would you PM it to me if I promise not to tell?

It is a microsoft powerpoint peresentation.
I can save it to documents.
I can forward it as an attachment on an e-mail.
But I can not cut and paste it, nor it's title in a post here, or in a PM to you.
So if you want to send me a PM with an e-mail address, I will forward it to you if you think you can get it up on this thread.

It is a presentation about dogs that sort of stops me in my tracks a bit, to the point I periodically refer back to it.

Cheers
Phillip

 

[Fireman431]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

If you PM it to me, I'll add it on Youtube and then post a link to it on iBoats.

 

[Kiwi Phil]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

If you PM it to me, I'll add it on Youtube and then post a link to it on iBoats.

But i can't get it to a PM.
Even when I save it, i can't copy and paste to a PM.
Cheers
Phillip

 

[Fireman431]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

So if you want to send me a PM with an e-mail address, I will forward it to you if you think you can get it up on this thread.

You have a PM.

 

[FBPirate95]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

Nice one's Phil!

 

[phwrd]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

I always find is amusing when I see a ?Lost Cat? sign.

The Cat isn?t lost, it knows exactly where it is. The confused human just doesn?t have a clue.

The human was obviously found to be lacking in the area of meeting the needs of the cat and the cat has moved on to find a more attentive staff.

 

[mudslinging79]

Re: What pets write in their diaries

dog forgot the entry of sneaking under the covers and hogging the bed when everyones asleep. its amazing how a medium dog can take up a queen size bed from corner to corner