What would you do?

[rwise]

Re: What would you do?

Alden "What comes around, goes around..." I believe that 100% but I could not wish this feeling even on her! Thats kinda funny, but what did the boss do?<br /><br />Nos4r2 What someone once told me was "once a cheater always a cheater" looks like it's true.<br /><br />pjc I'll check out the site, thanx.<br />EDIT; Ok I looked at it but a little late for me to plan as its already final! One of the thing is I am dealing with all of our assets, and then with her concerning them. I did get an attorney, and used him well. She never read the dissolution until the judge signed it. Then she called and said you really f@#$%^d me over. I have the only say in how much things are sold for, I get maintenance and sellers fees. And she gets to pay me for it out of her split before she sees it. I ain't no fool, but I did tell her she should not sign until she had read it and her attorney had read it, she pealed it open to the last page and signed it. I then handed her another form and told her to sign it in front notary and she did. It said she waved her right to be in the court room, and she did not show up! I recorded the signed dissolution with the court house, then went to the land department got copies of our deeds and recorded it with them, I do not need her signature to sell the properties. Some say I am being vengeful but I am protecting me old number 1 for a change.<br /><br />bob jr WOW 31 years, and I thought I put in a lot of hard time I ask for counseling but she said no, just as well I don't think I could have ever fully trusted her again. And I believe one thing she said to me "you deserve better" and I'll find it! may take a while, but the search should be fun!<br /><br />My kids have been the greatest through this whole thing. If it weren't for them, I don't know. And my grand daughter is closer to me than ever before, and I do love that, she's Papa's girl

 

[alden135]

Re: What would you do?

Originally posted by rwise:<br /> Alden "What comes around, goes around..." I believe that 100% but I could not wish this feeling even on her!

Don't worry ol' buddy, I'll wish it on her for you. That way you're guilt free. <br /><br />To answer your question, the newest guy is now working his nuts off trying to make her "happy". As I have known her for 17 years now, I can only watch and laugh.

 

[kenimpzoom]

Re: What would you do?

rwise, sounds like you scored one for the men, that doesnt happen too often any more.<br /><br />Anyway, just keep looking forward and dont let the past hold you back. Concentrate on your happiness.<br /><br />Ken

 

[magster65]

Re: What would you do?

I'd have dumped her too. There is no excuse for cheating.

 

[f_inscreenname]

Re: What would you do?

I can about forgive anything but infidelity. Something that eats me alive. <br />That is why I have a ex now. We fought a lot over the years (we married way to young)but the day she ran around it was over. Period!

 

[rwise]

Re: What would you do?

Originally posted by alden:<br />

Originally posted by rwise:<br /> Alden "What comes around, goes around..." I believe that 100% but I could not wish this feeling even on her!

Don't worry ol' buddy, I'll wish it on her for you. That way you're guilt free. <br /><br />To answer your question, the newest guy is now working his nuts off trying to make her "happy". As I have known her for 17 years now, I can only watch and laugh.

LMAO kool<br /><br />Ken like I said I aint no fool, and she dosen't get it yet, well maybe a little!<br /><br />magster that was the only thing I could do, for me.<br /><br />f_inscreenname looks like most agree!<br /><br />It realy helps to talk about it, for a while i tried to not tell people (friends and family) what realy happened, but it was eating me up so I started talking and I feel much better. Now back to ya400 pesonals,

 

[rosco_59]

Re: What would you do?

rwise, I had fun searching and had a couple dates but let me warn you there are a lot of people out there that are looking also but are not up to what most nice people want. Just do not get in a hurry, the right one will come when you least expect it. I burried myself in my job and one day she came walking into my life. I knew it from that moment and it has never been better.<br />Best of luck

 

[rwise]

Re: What would you do?

bob thats the way I felt 24 years ago. The first time I seen her I new right then I would be married to her, took my time and got to know her, anyway she changed in February this year and just is not the same person she was then, to bad. but I'll find another, and I'm not in a hurry.

 

[TELMANMN]

Re: What would you do?

What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. If you say the words, you should live them.

 

[rwise]

Re: What would you do?

No mater you religious beliefs if one enters into a monogamous relationship, makes promises one unto the other, you should keep your word. A person is only as good as their word!

 

[Fly Rod]

Re: What would you do?

Two types of men married women do not like!!!<br /><br /><br />A man that likes to go out and have fun!!! <br /><br /><br />A man that works all the time!!!

 

[Bassy]

Re: What would you do?

I would drop that relationship like a hot rock. I'd been cheated on in relationships before my marriage. You just don't ever get that trust back. It can't be worked through. No way Jose!<br />Mr. Bassy and I discussed all these things before we married. If either of us put the others feelings in harms way it would be over. No second chances and because of that we do fine. I know what I'd lose of I ever strayed, so I don't tempt myself or go near where temptation would be. We all know where that is. Its all over the place.<br /> I won't ever find this good of a man again. So, I treasure him and let him know every day. <br />Bassy

 

[rwise]

Re: What would you do?

Fly Rod it seems that woman really like a guy thats bad for/to them. I see it everywhere, but somewhere sometime I'll find one thats going to be good to/for me! When the works done it's time to party <br /><br />Bassy I tried to talk it out with her but she would not even talk. I don't think I could have worked it out with her but I would have tried. I have never felt the way I DID for her with any other woman. We also had talked before about how we both felt about cheating. I have never trusted anyone as much as I did her. She hurt all of us, one of the hardest things was watch our granddaughter cry for her when she left. (she was living with us at the time) But she is closer to me than ever before and I love that!!!

 

[Bassy]

Re: What would you do?

Yes, she did hurt all of you and she'll regret it someday and you'll have moved on and found better and trust again. Yes, you'll find it. <br />All my best to you and your kids. <br />Bassy

 

[f_inscreenname]

Re: What would you do?

Ya dude; there is life after death so to speak.<br /> My ex and I got together after high school and didn’t separate until I was almost 30. We started off dirt poor without a pot to pi$$ in. By the time it was over we were living the middle class life and we had a daughter. When it was over everything we had built together was gone. Why? Because she took it. The girl I trusted in most turned on a dime on me. She was smart in a way and knew how to use the "system". She wasn’t going back to the way it was when it all started. The night it all hit the fan I went to my brothers house and she called the cops and told them that "I threatened her". Well that’s was all it took. I spent the next 35 days in jail and she got all her ducks in a row to take everything and she did. Including my daughter. Talk about a pain that will never go away. Things can be replaced but a child......... Well, no reason to depress you anymore. The point is I had to start my life all over again with parts of it missing and I was alone. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse a ray of light shined through all the clouds. Her name was Maureen and life took a turn for the better. Now I am happier then I have ever been before. At the time it was going on was the lowest point of my life and now I am at the happiest. Not saying you just need a new women or anything for that matter it just things seem of having a way of working out in the long run. It just takes a little time.

 

[POINTER94]

Re: What would you do?

rwise,<br /><br />I'll chime in but my story is almost identical to the one's posted above. The cheating didn't get caught until she dropped the bomb on me. I did the research and yep, some jerk was behind the deal. <br /><br />I tried the counseling, the begging, the promises, the whatever it takes approach and it cost me everything. House, car, boat, dog, almost all my friends, and my job. Left me broke and thirsty for booze. But most of all it cost me my dignity. I have since replaced all the things she took. And I replace her. I am now better than I was before that sad day, but it has left it's scars. The most unfortunate thing of all is that I gave her the satisfaction of watching and orchestrating my demise. It has made me stronger, better, and more appreciative of what I have, what a true friend is, and the importance of family.<br /><br />Do your best and keep your head held high. <br /><br />Statistically according to my therapist at the time, the person who was cheated on will more often go on to a more happy and satisfying life. I don't know how they arrived at that but it gave me something to hold to when all seemed lost. <br /><br />As for God, he granted me an allulment and I will be married in the catholic church tommorrow. I was legally married exactly one year ago Sunday to a great girl. Just touching up the religious responsibilities tommorrow.

 

[theriver]

Re: What would you do?

the only real thing that matters is your health.<br />really ponder that and slowly move on.<br />good luck.

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: What would you do?

Whatever you do, don't be hasty. Getting out of a relationship may be a lot like getting into one. Move too fast and the train may wreck. There is another member on this board who did wrong and paid for it, and pays for it to this day. That is a sad situation and one that I am eternally thankful for that I dodged. You may cheat, or spend unwisely, or be lazy, or be married to your work, or what ever; or you may the opposite of these. It sometimes takes an explosion to expose a problem and correct it.<br />Look, I have been cheated on by every woman I've been with, but I have never cheated. My wife is the best thing in my life, even though we went through the hell you are now experiencing. It really sucks when you are in the middle of it, but it doesn't have to stay that way. If she is truly repentant, and you think there may be a shred of a chance, take the chance, don't look back years from now wishing you had.<br /><br />However, if she is not in the last contrite, move along, but keep it friendly. I know from lots of experience that cheating is hardly ever the fault of one member of the couple. I think that is one reason why the cheated-on party is so quick to take off; they refuse to admit that they are party responsible for the infidelity(but I am in no way saying it is your fault, just stating that from my experience I was always complicite in some degree).<br /><br />Another problem is that women do not realize that when they cheat, they strip their husband of his basic manhood, and they have no idea how that effects a man. This is a time when communication is more important than any other time in a marriage (with the exception of the time prior to the infidelity when the cheating party was thinking about it).<br /><br />If you can work it out, you can enjoy the best and closest relationship you have ever had. If it was never meant to be, you will figure it out soon. I know your anger and feelings of betrayal. Those are the stumbling blocks that will keep you from exploring and/or discovering your true feelings about all this until it is way too late to do what your heart really desires.<br /><br />Whatever happens, I wish you and you wife and your kids the very best; and that this will lead to brighter and more rewarding futures for all of you.

 

[rwise]

Re: What would you do?

Thanx Bassy<br /><br />f-inscreenname, I fell what your are saying, my first wife hid our daughter from me until she was 15. Her aunt finely said if you want to know call this number and gave her my parents phone number. I missed that call by 5 minutes, the next day I was there and she called back. We see each other all the time now and she live about 2 miles from me. That was 11 years ago, I had always told the kids they had a big sister and all were glad to meat. I certainly hope you get to see your daughter, I now first hand how it feels to not know where you child is or how they are! I thought of her every single day until we were back together! I am not in a hurry, wouldn't do any good, I have to close out what we had.<br /><br />POINTER64, I have had my moments, but the kids tell me I look happier than they have seen me in a while. I to had a few drinks, but it doesn't really help (felt like hell the next day or two). I'm not sure the scars will ever go away, I'm just going to have to learn from this and move on! I could never take her back, and though I had a moment or two that I thought I wanted her back, I could never live with her and what she did, no trust! I keep my head held high, and I hope they are right. She said when we were splitting that I deserve someone better, and she was right. She has only answered one question about her cheating, I ask how it felt to emotionally destroy the man how loved her, she replied "terrible" and cried, the only time she cried over anything but money!<br /><br />theriver, I lost 13 lbs in three days and another 7 over the next week. I needed to loose the wait anyway, but did not want to do it so fast! I am 180lbs now and holding, exercising and toning up! Gotta look good for the ladies <br /><br />SoulWinner Hasty? I filled for the divorce on 8/1 it was final on 9/8, everyone tels me I moved to fast! But, I had to get things moving to a new life! She has not even said she was/is sorry, or even been willing to talk about it. She acts like she is embarrassed about it and just gets a guilty look and turns away. It is the one thing I cannot forgive (at least at this point) She has made no attempt to make me fell better about what happened. I don't know if I had anything to do with it just that it happened and she wont talk. She made new friend this year and would not let me meet them, now I know why. I have not been happy with our relationship for some time, and I don't miss her much, if she had ask for a divorce before cheating I would have agreed. The only part I have a problem with is I trusted her more than I even new, and I just can't reach the knife thats stuck in my back! Hell if she had talked to me first, I might have been ok with it. She had not been with another man ever, and I know the feelings one can have when the are with some one who has and they have not, been there too. And she new that as well we had talked about it. She has lost respect from me and our children. She is at least calling them once in a while, and seeing the grand daughter once a week. I see them all at least three times a week, and sometimes every day! I love to keep my family close, and they have been great.<br /><br /><br />My daughter (the youngest) and her boyfriend took me out to dinner Friday. She caught me eying the waitress and said "daddy maybe you should have got divorced years ago" Just maybe she is right!

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: What would you do?

Rwise, sounds like your on the right track. When I was in your position, I lost 50 pounds. Still have a weak stomach to this day. I am so sorry that you and your kids are going through this.