Annoyed says I... (Updated)

eeboater

Commander
Joined
Jul 19, 2004
Messages
2,644
My brother-in-law (wife's brother) got engaged last year and is getting married this summer. Well, since they announced their wedding, my wife and I have tried to be as supportive as we can as we're both standing up in the wedding.<br /><br />As the year has been progressing on, we've come to find out that the bride is going to have 3 bridal showers. One in Green Bay (where the grooms family is from) one in Kenosha (where she lives now) and one in Madison (where her family is from). <br /><br />My wife is basically planning the Green Bay shower along with her mother. In the planning stages, she chose a date for the shower - and hasn't changed it... ever.<br /><br />The other two showers are being planned by other people - and so far each shower's date has changed twice (total of 4 changed dates.)<br /><br />Well, my wife and I started planning our summer based off the dates they set for the showers. We have several events we were looking forward to that we scheduled specifically to avoid these showers (so she could attend them.) Well, two weeks ago - my wife found out that they changed the Madison shower to June 24th... yep, the weekend of the iboats get together in Wisconsin.<br /><br />This really p*ssed me off. Do I sound greedy when I say this? There are only 5 bridesmaids that they needed to check with to set the date, and they never bothered to ask my wife if we scheduled something for that weekend - she's the grooms ONLY sibling for crying out loud. <br /><br />Once she found out the shower was on the same date as our get together, she felt like she was in a poor position because she had to either tell me she can't meet everyone from this board... or she had to miss the bridal shower. I told her don't worry, go to the shower we'll be fine - there's going to be plenty of opportunities to meet everyone here; only one chance to attend this wedding shower.<br /><br />She ended up calling the gal planning the shower and asked her if they could reschedule it to the weekend before. According to the bride, nothing really had been set in stone yet. Judging by their previous organization methods; I wasn't surprised. Twenty minutes later, my wife was told that the party was changed to the previous week and it wasn't a problem at all.<br /><br />Well... tonight my wife called her brother to invite him and his fiance' to our house for Easter dinner. While they were talking she found out that the shower's date didn't really change... they kept it the same date stating "the other dates simply conflicted with everyones schedule."<br /><br />WTF? Two weeks later we find out in passing that the everyone elses schedule matters but ours - the groom's only sister? Do I have a right to be p*ssed? I know it is their wedding and this is "their summer" but honestly, are we supposed to put our lives on hold for the whole summer because they may change something again?<br /><br />I'm hacked off because they put us in a horrible position to choose between our lives and their lives - forcing us to choose their lives because if we choose our own; we're inconsiderate pricks.<br /><br />Arrgh, this p*sses me off. Needless to say, unfortunately the guys going to the WI-MN iboats get together will not get to meet my wife no thanks to her brother.<br /><br />If they would have just kept everything where it was originally set... we wouldn't be in this situation. It really sucks because now I have a very negative view of this wedding and have zero ambition to help out.<br /><br />Sean
 

Haut Medoc

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Jun 29, 2004
Messages
10,645
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Jump through the hoops this year... :rolleyes: ;) <br />But don't you dare put off the iboaters for the divorce party next year! IMHO :p :) ....JK
 

KRS

Banned
Joined
May 15, 2004
Messages
2,383
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

I'll always vote for being an inconsiderate *****, if it's best for my relationship with my wife.<br /><br />All I have now, and all I'll have later is the relationship with my spouse... brothers and such have lives that will go on and my absence at a function of theirs will NOT stop the earth from spinning. They are having a shower for HER, not for your wife.... so screw 'em!<br /><br />So... she doesn't go, so what? I mean really, so what? What is the repurcussion? Will your brother not be able to function, will the bridal shower not go on as scheduled? I'm sure everyone will have a marvelous time, including you two on the lake :) <br /><br />On the flip side, a weekend with your wife is what YOU agreed to when YOU got married... not honoring the schedules and requirements of other people, but taking time to build and develop your marriage. Remember your vows and the sacred promises you made to her.<br /><br />Sorry for the toughness of my writing, but I am mad just like you are :)
 

eeboater

Commander
Joined
Jul 19, 2004
Messages
2,644
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

:D No worries KRS... it appears you may have been through a similar situation at some point in your life...<br /><br />As I sit here and think more about it, the more steamed I get. In the end, she's going to give in and go to the shower. I don't think shes worried as much about what her brother thinks than what her mom will say. It's a situation where her mom will never let it be if she doesn't show for a "silly boat party" her husband signed up for. Their opinion is that we can go boating any time we want... <br /><br />Which ticks me off even more. <br /><br />Honestly, it isn't the end of the world if she can't attend the get-together. I'm just ticked at her family that they are putting her in this situation. What was so difficult about picking upt he phone and asking if we had something going on that weekend.<br /><br />GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
 

Haut Medoc

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Jun 29, 2004
Messages
10,645
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Yup, you can not win this one, pick your battles! ;) :) .....JK
 

Haut Medoc

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Jun 29, 2004
Messages
10,645
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

She let you get the boat & the Jeep, now you just cain't use 'em :p :p hehe!....JK
 

roscoe

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
21,757
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Sorry to hear that Sean.<br /><br />I've known several people that have had multiple showers, but one in Kenosha and Madison? <br />Why not combine them and have it in Brookfield area? <br />Are they planning on holding 3 weddings, just so no one has to drive 45 minutes?<br /><br />And why is your wife required to attend all of them?<br />The only person that needs to be at all of them is the bride to be. Its not like she is going to be making lifelong friends with the brides girlfriends and co-workers from Madison.<br />Maybe the other party planners didn't consult or notify your wife, because they don't see a need for her to attend (all 3) showers. Maybe they don't expect her to make all 3.<br /><br />Whatever your wife decides is the way it will be.<br />But what she should do it TELL them.... "hey, uh, the 24th isn't going to work for me. Sean and I really need to get away for a weekend to spend some quality time together."<br /><br /><br />Show her this thread !! :)
 

cpj

Ensign
Joined
Jun 14, 2005
Messages
958
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

EE, are you going to this shower? If you are, then you are set! You have an excuse not to go the estrogen laden hen party. Family sucks, dont it? My old boss told me (who was also a preacher)that the best thing you can do when you get married is to move as far away from your family as you can. Man was he right! Sadly,2.5 hours from the inlaws aint far enough. BTW, in your inlaws mind you will always be the bad guy in these situations. Been there, done that.
 

roscoe

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
21,757
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Have you had the boat out yet?<br /><br />Sounds like you need to take it for a spin.
 

heycods

Captain
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
3,941
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Bummer. but I agree with most of the others, your wife is doing her part with the shower in her area her attendance isnt necessary at the other showers. The orginizer of the other shower dosent think so or they would have told her they werent changing the date.Have fun at the get together and give her brother the reason.
 

PW2

Commander
Joined
Apr 21, 2004
Messages
2,719
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Is Jessica busy that weekend?
 

KaGee

Admiral
Joined
Aug 14, 2004
Messages
7,069
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Originally posted by heycods:<br /> Bummer. but I agree with most of the others, your wife is doing her part with the shower in her area her attendance isnt necessary at the other showers. The orginizer of the other shower dosent think so or they would have told her they werent changing the date.Have fun at the get together and give her brother the reason.
I agree. These spoiled little girls are becoming extremely rude nowadays. Expecting multiple showers is out of line. You are not out of line skipping the others. Keep your plans.
 

sangerwaker

Commander
Joined
Jul 29, 2004
Messages
2,059
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Sean, I agree with most above. While the bride to be is probably trying to be considerate of others by having multiple showers, it seems very selfish to me. I've honestly never heard of that before. 2 if they are VERY far apart, but never three or in the proximity of each other that these are. People expect to have to drive a ways to things like this IMO.<br /><br />I would think as long as she attends the one she is helping with, she should be fine. What do her mother and brother say? They may say the 24th is "a silly boating get together", but isn't that you and your wife's decision if it's "silly"? I view it more as a "friends" get together. We just haven't met face to face yet.<br /><br />I hope someone changes their mind and she is able to make the get together.
 

ztim

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Mar 19, 2004
Messages
421
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Listen to sangerwaker. That many showers in such close proximity is just plain ludicrous. If Ma won't let you live it down then she is the one who needs to get away down to the lake. Maybe find a real life in the mean time.
 

heycods

Captain
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
3,941
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

I know these things are Important to the wimmin folks, I wont change my opinion but I would like to see Bassy, LF, and Serinitys opinion also
 

heycods

Captain
Joined
Nov 11, 2005
Messages
3,941
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Originally posted by heycods:<br /> I know these things are Important to the wimmin folks, I wont change my opinion but I would like to see Bassy, LF, and Serinitys opinion also
Change your topic line to ask for thier opinion too. JUST A THOUGHT>
 

POINTER94

Vice Admiral
Joined
Oct 12, 2003
Messages
5,031
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Never completely understood why these things grow like they do. Men have A (one) party. Guys that can make it, make it. Those that can't send a cigar or a crying towel or a box of twenty.<br /><br />Three showers and you (wife) have to attend all three? The wedding is expensive for anyone participating, and tossing in two additional parties that are out of town is expecting more than is normally acceptable. A wedding of a family member usually means a week of undivided attention, not a summer of undivided attention. <br /><br />I, and this is me only, think that you should make yourself available for a weekend (wedding) and a couple of days of non-travel support. This switching of days for things is to accomidate specific people. The problem with that is that is convenient for the one person trying to be accomidated and inconvenient for everyone else. If the event is so important those people will or should make time. I find that weddings today are so far overblown as to be sad. A wedding is a public acknoledgement of two peoples committment to each other, a marriage of two minds and lives that has already taken place. Not a reason to throw a party of a lifetime. Nobody and I mean nobody has 250 really close friends.<br /><br />You should make your best effort to help support this wedding but it is their wedding and not yours or your wives. They should make their plans now, send invitations, and you should participate where you can and clear all committments for the weekend of the wedding. If she wanted 10 parties would you have to to attend all those? Can someone explain what exactly a "shower" is. How does a bachlorette party work within this formula? Rehersal dinner? Gift opening party? Then the wedding itself... It seems that things regarding weddings are just getting out of hand....<br /><br />Just my humble opinion, take it or reject it I won't be offended.<br /><br />PS. We are all pricks! Its just size and point of entry that distinguishes us.
 

QC

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Mar 22, 2005
Messages
22,783
Re: Annoyed says I... (Updated)

Although I agree all of this stuff has gotten out of hand (including birthdays), I'm gonna buck the trend. Go with the flow, it ain't yor show. <br /><br />Let me qualify, I HATE this kinda carp, but in the end there is no positive outcome by pushing back. Sounds like your wife has already decided to do all three, and it is equally obvious the bride-to-be has no ability to say no to anyone. Any conflicts now will play out poorly over time with your BIL. It's not worth it. I will qualify one more aspect. My position is based on a belief that you want a good relationship with your new relatives :p :p , including the BIL. If you don't, do what you want, and to heck with it. My .02
 
Top