best fishing and boating jokes around!

[thurps]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Two kinds of jokes, clean ones and funny ones.

 

[produceguy]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

A preacher is sitting on his front porch when he notices a little boy across the street ( don't worry it's clean) trying to ring the door bell but can't reach it.
The preacher walks over their and rings the door bell, puts his hand on the boys shoulder and kneels down eye to eye to him and says, what now little man.
The little boy says, RUN LIKE HELL!!!

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

A preacher is sitting on his front porch when he notices a little boy across the street ( don't worry it's clean) trying to ring the door bell but can't reach it.
The preacher walks over their and rings the door bell, puts his hand on the boys shoulder and kneels down eye to eye to him and says, what now little man.
The little boy says, RUN LIKE HELL!!!

Did the kid have a fishing rod?...

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "but what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then?"

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions.. Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

 

[Raystownboater]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Dead ahead, through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship.
He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
"Change yours ten degrees west," comes the reply.
The captain responds, "I'm a United States Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a seaman second class," the next message reads. "Change your course, sir."
The captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
"I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

An Ohio boater, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron.
He didn't have a CB radio in his car. So, he decided to use his marine radio to get help.
Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

After a longer pause, an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"

 

[southkogs]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

All of us dreamed of it at one point or another: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgFhJN4H0T0

 

[Cofe]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Steve and Andy were out in Steve's bass boat working their lures along the banks as they usually do when all of a sudden Steve looks up at the near by bridge and notices a funeral procession traveling on it. Steve all of a sudden lays his fishing pole down, stands up, removes his hat and with head bowed waits till the procession passes. Andy, seeing what has happened, pipes up. "You really amaze me Steve, that was down right respectful and proper of you. I never knew you were like that." Steve replies....Yea...that was the least I could do, since I have been married to her for the past 35 years.

 

[JB]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Now that is a lot better, guys.

 

[produceguy]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Did the kid have a fishing rod?...

No, but the preacher did.
Come on man , I'm tryin here.

 

[sasto]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

My buddy and I were out fishing in his little jon boat, when he found a lamp floating in the water. When I picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. We thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world.....Sam Adams please, I said.

With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, my buddy got mad.

"Dammit! Now we have to pee in the boat!"

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

EDIT:

Oh oh....
Don't let Skargo or Bubba see this...:facepalm:

 

[JB]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

you would think that after nearly 41,000 posts youd be funny! thats one too. you fishn from the kitchen sink too! just joken around,dont take seriously bro.

It's a damned wonder I haven't just died of laughter, JJ. I just love being ridiculed.

 

[Fishing Dude too]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

My wife said if I went fishing one more time she was going to leave..................................GOSH I MISS HER.

 

[jjacobs007]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "but what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then?"

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions.. Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

if its not broke dont fix it right!

 

[jjacobs007]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

It's a damned wonder I haven't just died of laughter, JJ. I just love being ridiculed.

ridiculed!! is that a new swim bait in the hide out?

 

[raymondpickens]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

An Ohio boater, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron.
He didn't have a CB radio in his car. So, he decided to use his marine radio to get help.
Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

After a longer pause, an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"

Sounds like a true story!

 

[Tim Frank]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Sounds like a true story!

Of course it's true....it was on the Internet!!...

 

[metalwizard]

Re: best fishing and boating jokes around!

Oldie buta goodie.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, ?Bring me my red shirt!?

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain?s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, ?Bring me my red shirt!? And once again the battle was on, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties,although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day?s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, ?Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle??

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, ?If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.?

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, ?Bring me my brown pants!?