need opinions please

Bondo

Bondo

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Re: need opinions please

Should I call her and tell her that I am bringing a cop with me to enforce my visit, or just show up with one?
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NO,.. Nope,... NO WAY..........<br /><br />Don't Tip Your Hand..............<br /><br />If you Do,....... She'll be "So Lovey Dovey",.... It'll make You Puke..........<br />And,.. When the sheriff sees her Act,...... You LOOSE All Credability...........<br />But,.....<br />If you show up at the Appointed Time,+ with the Law........<br />Maybe she'll just Flip Right Out..........<br /><br />Now,... Having the Deputy witness That,.... Would be Worth More than Any High Priced Lawyer........<br /><br />I Know it Hurts,........... But, Time is on Your Side,...... You Will Prevail.............. ;)
 
QC

QC

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Re: need opinions please

Interesting point Bondo. I know you were composing as I posted, I was not thinking about BC's credibility, but only the child witnessing a confrontation complete with a cop . . . That one still bugs me.
 
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MYTJC

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Re: need opinions please

Dad's have rights too.....Take the advice and go back to court. Family court judge's dont like when mother's try and take away the bond that Fathers need to have for with their son's. She's still bitter about the breakup and probley still has feelings. But if you play your cards right, she's in for a big surprise. Stay poised, your son will come around when he finds out the truth about his mom. AND THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL!! always does.....God Bless
 
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MYTJC

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Re: need opinions please

Antoher note: Keep your court ordered papers handy and in a safe place. If you ever need to prove anything those papers should be available. I had to call the cops once when my daughters mom wouldnt let me have her one Friday, Until i gave her the support check. Well it wasnt due until monday so i called the cops and they wanted me to show proof of custody....Luckly i had a copy in my truck and when they say thay they went nuts......Walked up to door and told her she has 15-minutes to get the kids ready. She was going againt a court order, had nothing to do with $$......Cops told her 13-minutes left and i can hear her scream!! Next thing i saw was my baby and she yelled DAD!! and wen running to me...Cops said, you must be a great Dad....I thanked them for helping me............They saw the love my child has for her Daddy.......DONT BACK DOWN!! She thinks your going to give up.....
 
P

PW2

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Re: need opinions please

I'd be surprised a cop would agree to go with you without being ordered to by a judge.<br /><br />The last thing they want is to get in the middle of a family custody battle if they don't absolutely have to.<br /><br />The court councellor is a "must do" and bring that email with you.<br /><br />The most difficult part, and the most important part, is to stay out of any emotional outburts, and remain calm and matter of fact. The court ordered visitation for a reason, and she cannot legally deny it on her whim. The courts know this, and I am absolutely sure this is not the first time they've encountered your situation.<br /><br />And I do speak from experience in this. My ex's plan was to get my kids to start calling her new boyfriend "Dad" and for me to get lost. It didn't work, I have a great relationship with my kids now, and we have had long talks about this since they became adults, and they *really* appreciated the fact I fought for my rights with them.
 
Kiwi Phil

Kiwi Phil

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Re: need opinions please

Been there...experienced same....27yrs back....<br />Mother told me at the time, just treat the kids well, don't 'buy' them, don't ever criticize their mother, and just be a good honest Dad.<br />Followed her advice and it worked out well. <br />Kids make up their own minds and they are a lot more smarter than we give them credit for. It will work out just fine, so don't go tearing yourself apart over it.<br />Cheers<br />Phillip
 
C

Cookiemonster

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Re: need opinions please

Originally posted by PW2:<br />Kids are smart, they are not as impressionable as we think they are, and they are capable of figuring things out for themselves.<br />
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This is very true. <br /><br />I am in a very similar situation.. except I am the step-dad.<br /><br />My wife has a ten year old son to her ex. I've been the step-dad since the boy has been 1 year old.<br /><br />In my case the boys father does all the bad-mouthing about his mum (my wife). We make a point of never saying anything bad about the father.<br /><br />There is nothing you can do or say that can control what your ex says or does. Nothing. All you can do is be the best parent you can be. And the kids will pick up on this. <br /><br />Kids are smart. They realise what is going on. They'll see one parent doing all the bad-mouthing and the other parent being the diplomat. No kid wants to see or hear either of their parents being put down. They'll soon figure out who the more responsible parent is. And one day they will thank you for it.<br /><br />B.C, just be the best Dad that you can be. Don't ever be negative about the mother. Listen to your child, and enjoy every moment you spend with them - because they aren't children for very long.<br /><br />You have a court order. If access is refused then yes, definitely have the court order enforced as per the law.<br /><br />If you believe you have the right to spend more time with your son, then seek legal avenues to achieve that. Apply for the custody arrangements to be altered. But I wouldn't try to play the "un-fit Mother" card. <br /><br />"In the best interest of the child" and "I want to share the responsibility of raising my son" are perfectly legitimate reasons for wanting to spend more time with your son.<br /><br />One last thing.. never fight with your ex in front of your son. Never yell at your ex over the phone whilst your son is present. Your son should not have to deal with any of these problems. The situation at hand is not his fault, but if he constantly see's fighting around him he will start to feel responsible. I know it's hard, but the best interest of the child must be considered.<br /><br />Good luck with your situation. I feel for you, I really do.
 
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brother chris

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Re: need opinions please

I appreciate all the tips guys, thanks<br />Kiwi Phil, How do I treat my kid right, if I can't even have him come over and visit?<br /><br />I called the courts and tell me that I have to sit through a 3 hour course called "Parenting after Seperation". I did this 8 years ago and the lady said the certificate is only good for 3 years. <br />I'm not impressed with that! :mad: <br /><br />When I have more time tomorrow, I am calling every person that I can, to get this court order enforced.<br /><br />I don't know why this has to happen to me. I have done nothing wrong!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:
 
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MYTJC

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Re: need opinions please

Have faith in the Lord to see you through this tuff time. Pray and remember,<br /><br />If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.<br />Happy moments, praise God.<br />Difficult moments, seek God.<br />Quiet moments, worship God.<br />Painful moments, trust God.<br />Every moment, thank God.
 
D

deputydawg

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Re: need opinions please

This is not uncommon. Things to remember, you did nothing wrong it sounds like. Sounds like it is all her. <br /><br />Don't bother going through her or talking to her, go directly to the courts. Less chance of backfiring somehow. <br /><br />Jump through all of the courts hoops. It is all about certain groups wanting money so they get some expert convinced the courts need to order classes and stuff like that. Go through it and look like the shining star of a parent to the judge.<br /><br />It is never too late with kids. You may have along road ahead of you undoing damage she has done, but don't give up.<br /><br />Have a lot of patience with the child, no telling exactly what he has been told over the years.<br /><br />Good luck.
 
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txswinner

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Re: need opinions please

I had this same problem. found out to late that all he ever heard about me and my new wife was bad. He learned to dispise me. My advice Fight and fight like hell to get custody, then treat him like a great father soon. If you do not get custody, make all time with you a party so perhaps he will ask to live with you after he is allowsed to do so.
 
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brother chris

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Re: need opinions please

Thanks MYTJC for the reminder of putting this in the Lord's hands. It is real hard to do that sometimes. <br />I can't even think straight...all day I think about this and how much it hurts to know that someone is deliberately trying to hurt me and my son. <br />Actually, I don't mind if someone tries to hurt me, but when they decieve my son...that's the limit!<br /><br />I appreciate all of the replies....thanks so much!<br /><br />I'll post after I talk to the courts and counsellor. <br />I am going to need some help from you guys, since I don't know anyone who can help me with this. <br />Sounds like a couple of you already went through this, sorry to hear that.<br /><br />Thanks again.
 
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Cookiemonster

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Re: need opinions please

Stay in there B.C. Jump through the court hoops. Do everything by the book.<br /><br />Keep coming back out and posting.. getting it off your chest will lessen the pressure. Not much, but every little bit helps.<br /><br />I believe that if you are a good person, with good intentions, things will work out for you in the end.
 
magster65

magster65

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Re: need opinions please

Listen BC... I've been down this road too. My ex bad mouthed me to the world, cried on everyone's shoulder and was a total biatch... still is. Her train of thought will never change. You are the devil in her mind, she blames you for everything that goes wrong and your break-up too I bet. Mine was the same. I tried for a couple years to make us get along but I finally gave up. Fight fire with fire. Report the access denial to family services now. Be strong for your kid and don't even talk to your kids mom... it's a waste of air. Follow the legal path and just deal with her on a non-personal, strictly business level. If she swears at you on the phone, hang up. If she denies access call family services. If she does something stupid, call the cops. Document everything! The truth always comes out my friend. Make it happen. It worked for me.
 
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brother chris

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Re: need opinions please

Thanks Kanga and Magster...well, thanks to everyone. <br />You have all given me some things to think about. <br />Much appreciated.
 
S

Stratosfied

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Re: need opinions please

I gotta say a word of thanks as well as I am going through a very similar situation with the soon to be X and her parents brainwashing my daughter.
 
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brother chris

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Re: need opinions please

Ahhh..yes! Let the ball roll and the games begin.<br />I am filing a "Notice of Motion" in the courts and she has 7 days to reply.<br />I do not plan on calling her either.<br />I am printing out her email to me that says I am not allowed access or any contact with my son.<br />She will be before the courts within 2 weeks to answer to the judge.<br />I feel much better now!<br />Sweet justice...oh how I love the sound!!! :D :D :D
 
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MYTJC

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Re: need opinions please

How sweet its going to be once she get a reality check B.C. Let god do his work and remember to document eveything and stay poised....Your child will always look up to you for not giving up. <br /><br />Thought for the Day<br /><br />March 23, 2006<br />Resentments<br />If you have a resentment you want to be free of,<br />if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free.<br /> <br />If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.<br /><br />Even when you don't really want it for them,<br />and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love. <br /><br />Thought to Ponder . . .<br />Resentment is like acid,<br />eating away at the vessel it is stored in. <br /><br /><br />"Relationships fail gradually then suddenly, one failed or missing conversation at a time."
 
magster65

magster65

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Re: need opinions please

Good for you! <br />Stick to it BC.<br />The court does not take kindly to people who disobey... aspecially when there's an innocent child involved.<br /><br />Judge is gonna' give your ex a wake-up call...<br /> :)
 
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